Friday, January 16, 2009

®

As of this morning, Google AdSense has yielded me $0.67! That's sixty-seven whole American cents! (Or roughly two (2) Canadian cents...aww.) Which means once I earn another $0.83 (U.S.), I'll be able to do one (1) whole load of laundry! If I air-dry it. Wow! Things sure are looking up! Of course, to save on the cost of laundry soap I will simply throw in a dryer sheet (which I suddenly now own in excess), hoping the smell of Bounce Fresh Linen® will rub off on my Levis® to induce just the essence of cleanliness. Now that I'm an official slacker, I might as well really embrace the role. (Which reminds me, do you know where I can get some good weed?! Um, kidding...)

One other thing you may have noticed me embracing lately (besides recreational drug use...kidding...) -- at least between that last paragraph and yesterday's post -- is my newly gratuitous use of the registered trademark symbol -- ®. Don't mind that. I'm just trying to demonstrate for potential advertisers how effortlessly -- and dare D.A.R.E.® I say, elegantly -- I can insert product placement into almost any e-situation. In fact, I like to think of this blog as the Chevrolet Corvette® of product placement; that is, it's flashy and exciting (and trashy), but still very practical because it's a Chevy®. Like a Rock®.

In fact, so very much is The Anti DC like a rock, er, Like a Rock® that, if given the chance, it will sink pretty easily. However, much like a snappy Timex® watch, this blog can Take a Licking and Keep on Ticking®. Except, actually, unlike the eternal functionality of an attractive Timex® watch, when it comes to the sick and twisted sh*t spewed forth on this blog, its more like Will Gladly Take a Licking (*wink*) Despite That Ticking, Which Is Just the Sound of Its Writer Self-Destructing, Cool? (I should trademark that.)

Ha! Gotchya! I won't self-destruct as long as I have a refreshing and delicious beverage, like a Coca-Cola®, within reach. Indeed, I am choosing to Live on Coke Side of Life®. (Which is a bit fishy because I don't even drink soda!) But whoa! It's so energetic on this side! In the last three seconds I just typed this sentence, cleaned my closet and made a seven-course meal (all of which featured beans as the main ingredient, of course)! And now I'm surfing the Web at warp speed! And I'm finding quite the lot of awesome/ridiculous (awsiculous? ridiculsome?) stuff! And hey! I just happened to learn how to count in Dutch! I'm multi-tasking! And not hungry at all! (Too bad. That bean-centric chef's menu is divine!) Let's effing do this! Yeah! YEAH! YEEEEAAAAAHHHH! Yeah...

Damn, the buzz wore off. Anyway...

Een! You know what really killed my coke, oops, Coke® buzz? This ridiculous excuse for a new bar going up in Adams Morgan. Via Washington City Paper via The 42 blog, I've learned that sad excuse for a neighborhood is getting even sadder (read: even more like Georgetown). There's going to be a new bar on 18th that requires you to be a douche just to get inside! From "The Town Tavern" official door policy memo: "Gentleman: Collared Shirts Only." So really, this is no different from any other bar on 18th...except for Pharmacy Bar! (No surprise! I heart that place.)

Twee! Oh. My. God. I think I stumbled upon Napoleon Dynamite had he been a baby boomer. I can't tell if this is real or not, but it is AWESOME.

Drie! While it's hard to follow-up with anything that can match the greatness that is "Little Wings" (see above, seriously), New York magazine comes close with a slideshow of pre-Fall 2009 designer shoes. And if you don't care about shoes (but did you see those menswear-inspired loafers by rag & bone?!), you can click on the upcoming link for another classic by Mark Gormley of "Little Wings" fame; it's called "Without You." Please notice how "intense" it is. (Thanks Clusterfck. What would I ever do without you?)

Vier! Uh, the New Yorker published a picture of Rep. Barney Frank (D-Crazy) with him giving an excellent, nay, stellar example of "gang bang face."


Vijf! Lastly, allow me to leave you not with a link or yet another reference to "gang bang face" (although that ditty will never get old to me), but with a message. A message of hope. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is!® Alka Seltzer®! Have a lovely looooooong weekend!

5 comments:

M@ said...

I wouldn't want that Barney slipping anything into MY drink. (Shivering.)

LiLu said...

Hooker- you best be coming on Sunday! It's Georgetown- I mean AdMo- at it's finest!

FoggyDew said...

Your post today was like watching a Michael Bay movie: filled with obvious product placement.

Here's a philosophical question for ya: If given the choice between a free drink Sunday night or a bottle of Tide, which would you choose? And remember, choose wisely.

nate said...

Just showin' a little ad click love. Out of curiosity, did you specifically pick all the hippy do gooders getting ad time, or is Google making up for trying to take over the world?

Marissa said...

m@--

I think he likes it when you shiver.

lilu--

I prefer strumpet. But regarding Sunday, I'll see what I can do.

foggydew--

I'm confident I could swindle both.

nate--

Of course I didn't pick the ads. If I could choose, I would only advertise rape whistles. Everyone needs one. Think of the clicks it would get!