I'm not sure how many of this blog's daily readers check back every once in a while to read the comments sections of my posts (I'm guessing that depends on several factors, including how bored you are at work and how deficient the other parts of the Internet are that day), but if you don't, you may want to start. Because just when you thought Sarah Palin was the dumbest member of the Tea Party (of course, this is assuming Glenn Beck is the smartest), you get Dick LeBeau (I'm assuming not the football talent), Andy Foote, and Paul, all of whom quite fascinatingly interpreted my comedic critique of a few "Restoring Honor" audience members' clothing choices as a racist tirade. Even more confounding was that when you put all these weirdos' comments together, I'm apparently racist against both the white man and the black man. I guess it just depends on which way you let your imagination stretch.
And while I got a good laugh out of Dick and Andy's demolition of the truth, my favorite krazy komment kame (racist alliteration alert!) from Paul, who wrote:
A truly uppity, judgmental post. Vast generalizations about entire groups (just from wandering around a crowd gawking at people's behinds and snapping photos to rah-rah your marginally superior fashion sense) is a close relative to the racism that inspired MLK to have a dream.
Now, I'm not sure about you, but this is by far the most ridiculous simile I've ever heard in my life. Snarking on a few people's choices to dress like they let their worst enemy do the shopping is like being a racist pissing all over Martin Luther King's dream? Let's just say, it didn't take me long to compose my rebuttal:
Yes, Paul. What a totally appropriate simile! King's fight to end little things like SEGREGATION is EXACTLY like Beck's and the Tea Party's fight to merge Church and State, whilst wearing way too much denim!
How did the speech go again? Oh that's right! King said, "I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed in Canadian tuxedos: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men -- except for fashion critics -- are created equal."
And King also must have had the dream that one day a demagogue would hijack his memory and exploit it for his own personal gain...
Honestly, this Paul fellow is so detached from common sense and facts that I'm utterly awestruck. It makes me want to go back to school and study abnormal psychology. It's fascinating! But just when you think you can't get any more baffled, someone finally goes full retard (and yes, that was some bait -- I fully expect all the Tea Partiers to fail to realize that's a comedic movie reference from Tropic Thunder and start accusing me of being "racist" against the mentally challenged now). That's right, someone with a poor grasp on grammar and punctuation rules decided to send me a series of death threats over email last night:
And in case you can't see that because your monocle's in the shop (mine is), I'll quickly just write out each cleverly composed subject line and email for your convenience.
Email 1: Ha ha -- Hope you die soon. Your a loser probably gay
Email 2: Get out -- Kill your self please
Email 3: Die -- Kill yourself !!!
Email 4: Ha -- Bet your gay
Email 5: Ha -- Die soon please do not get hit by a train or bus please lesbo
Ah, yes! Pure poetry! What a coincidence that until yesterday when I decided to poke a little fun at the Tea Party, I'd never received a death threat. What a coincidence that firstname.lastname@example.org doesn't seem to recognize the difference between "your" and "you're" or understand why punctuation is important. What a coincidence that this person, who seems to have gotten so riled up by my comedic words, completely loses grasp of common sense by the end of his (or her!) tirade. I mean, what does that last email even mean? You want me to die soon, just not via a fast-moving train or bus please lesbo? What?! But most interesting, however, is the coincidence that a group that supposedly condemns Islamic extremism would attract some members who don't see the irony of embarking on their own mini-Jihads. It's the perfect storm of stupid.
And on that not, I'm gonna stop myself here. Trying to make sense out of this nonsense is like trying to explain to a little kid why he has to eat his vegetables before he gets dessert. The only difference, though, is that the kid usually grows up to finally get it. The Tea Partiers? Well, we can hope. But if by chance one or more of them wants to stop acting like a petulant child, I hope they let me know. I'll be more than happy to set a place for them at the grown-ups table. I must insist, however, that they remember to wash their hands first. Anonymous email death threats are full of germs.