And while that pretty much sums it up, here's the short list of facts in grammatically correct human English:
- Piratz Tavern was a dirty sh*thole bar in Silver Spring with a ridiculous theme that was so bad it was good, as long as you didn't care about possibly picking up food poisoning or hepatitis or scurvy...
- It made no money because, well, see above.
- A reality television program came in to revamp the bar, a la Kitchen Nightmares does with restaurants.
- The TV show turned the bar into an Office Space-themed "corporate bar," hoping its "witty" theme would attract the surrounding white-collar crowd.
- It didn't, so
Piratz TavernCorporate Bar turned into a slightly cleaner, more expensive sh*thole with a ridiculous theme that was just bad enough to remain bad.
- Finally, the owners were all like, "ARR!" and so they're now returning to Square 1. Or maybe Plank 1. Whatever.
So, yes, as you can see, Sven's nonsensical proclamation of "NEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" sums up this story pretty damn nicely because, as that story arc demonstrates, you can't polish a turd with an even stinkier turd.
But you know what would've worked? Getting rid of all the turds and making a bar where the theme is simply reasonably priced, extremely tasty food and drink in an atmosphere that doesn't make you feel awkward if you're not dressed like an asshole or actually are an asshole (see Milton Waddams)...
Oh sh*t. I'm sorry. How closed minded of me. Obviously, people who dress like assholes and those who are actual assholes (I should know...) need places to drink too. In fact, maybe they need bars more than most of us do. And so, I say, go forth, Piratz Tavern, with your new corporate pirate bar theme.
As you can see, I'm sure that'll work out swimmingly for everyone.