Thursday, March 15, 2012

the anti dc's common sense solution

In case there's anyone who still has this here Web log on his or her Google readers, lucky you! Or lazy you. I haven't blogged here for MONTHS! But alas, your idleness when it comes to clearing out your e-house is about to pay off because I'm back! Well, at least for today. See, I absolutely cannot resist commenting on this Piratz Tavern controversy. Oh, you haven't heard? Because you have better things to do than worry about a bar that uses gratuitous z's in its name? Touché. But whatever, I will not let disinterest (either yours or my own) dissuade me from commentating on all this dramz (see what I did there?). Catch yourself up on the whole story here, or if you're short on time, allow my helper horse Sven explain it in the only way he knows how:


And while that pretty much sums it up, here's the short list of facts in grammatically correct human English:

  • Piratz Tavern was a dirty sh*thole bar in Silver Spring with a ridiculous theme that was so bad it was good, as long as you didn't care about possibly picking up food poisoning or hepatitis or scurvy...
  • It made no money because, well, see above. 
  • A reality television program came in to revamp the bar, a la Kitchen Nightmares does with restaurants.
  • The TV show turned the bar into an Office Space-themed "corporate bar," hoping its "witty" theme would attract the surrounding white-collar crowd.
  • It didn't, so Piratz Tavern Corporate Bar turned into a slightly cleaner, more expensive sh*thole with a ridiculous theme that was just bad enough to remain bad.  
  • Finally, the owners were all like, "ARR!" and so they're now returning to Square 1. Or maybe Plank 1. Whatever.
So, yes, as you can see, Sven's nonsensical proclamation of "NEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" sums up this story pretty damn nicely because, as that story arc demonstrates, you can't polish a turd with an even stinkier turd. 

But you know what would've worked? Getting rid of all the turds and making a bar where the theme is simply reasonably priced, extremely tasty food and drink in an atmosphere that doesn't make you feel awkward if you're not dressed like an asshole or actually are an asshole (see Milton Waddams)...

Oh sh*t. I'm sorry. How closed minded of me. Obviously, people who dress like assholes and those who are actual assholes (I should know...) need places to drink too. In fact, maybe they need bars more than most of us do. And so, I say, go forth, Piratz Tavern, with your new corporate pirate bar theme. 

As you can see, I'm sure that'll work out swimmingly for everyone. 


Patty Duke said...

This is the first time I've read your you blog in months. I'm commenting at the risk of talking to myself. But here is my thought on going to a coporate bar. If I want to drink in an office, I'll just drink in my own office for free.Duh

Marissa said...

Patty! I miss you comments.

Patty Duke said...

I miss reading your blog and commenting, but life gets in the way.

Anonymous said... 招財方法 四面佛 開運 快速開運 台中油漆粉刷 失眠 痔瘡 置物櫃 助聽器 安養中心 防水 台北花店 大陸新娘 大陸新娘 隔熱紙 汽車隔熱紙 大樓隔熱紙 建築隔熱紙 大樓防爆模 貴金屬回收 電子零件回收 廢五金回收 下腳料回收 塑膠回收 三久太陽能 太陽能熱水器 三久太陽能熱水器 熱泵熱水器 高雄汽車借款 高雄機車借款 高雄借錢 高雄免留車 陽極處理 電鍍 鋁表面處理 硬陽處理 發色處理 輸送機 高溫爐 工作桌 測試機台 鋁擠型機架 陶瓷 石英 桃園室內設計 馬桶不通 通馬桶 抽水肥 抽化糞池 通水管 塑膠加工 塑膠射出 塑膠零件 射出加工 工程塑膠 台中抽水肥 台中通馬桶 台中通水管 台中清水溝 清水溝 倉儲設備 物料架 鋼架 倉儲架 巧固架 花蓮民宿 花蓮民宿推薦 花蓮住宿 花蓮住宿推薦 脫水機 過濾設備 廢棄物清除 廢棄物處理 鐵桶塑膠桶買賣 婚禮樂團 婚禮音樂 婚禮樂團 婚禮音樂 滴雞精 烤肉食材 創業加盟 茶飲加盟 益生菌 抵抗力 過敏 脹氣 異位性皮膚炎 食慾不好 鐵氟龍焊接 綠島 綠島民宿 綠島住宿 綠島旅遊 高雄住宿 台北搬家 婚紗 婚紗攝影 台中婚紗 婚紗攝影