Monday, February 28, 2011

oscar, party of one

Was I the only area resident who actually enjoyed the Oscars last night? If I am to believe what 400 strangers were telling me on Twitter last night, then yes...

You haters! How can you not enjoy the mere presence of James Franco's likely high, ceaseless squint? He looks like a guy I used to date who, when he met my mother and I for dinner once insisted on ordering nothing but hard liquor -- flaming kamikaze shots, to be exact. But he was Russian and we were in Moscow, so this was totally acceptable and, more importantly, loads of hilarious and awkward fun -- the best kind to have. Oh, what lovely vague early-twenties memories... *sigh*

And so maybe that's why I was able to enjoy last night's Oscars; I wasn't thinking about the show that much. However, in the rare moments I was, Anne Hathaway's ridiculously awesome wardrobe and Randy Newman's acceptance speech satisfied those fleeting moments of attention. The latter item also inspired one of my only two tweets of the evening (the key is moderation) -- "The only way Randy Newman's acceptance speech could've been better is if he shortened it to "Award show speeches can suck my balls." Thank you, I'll be here all night forever, or at least until the next future of technology comes along and we all move on to that one. (In either case, I hope Franco keeps his current avatar, as pictured above.)

But the real treat of the night came after the Oscars, or #oscars, as it were, when WJLA's Arch Campbell popped onto the picture box looking like a total dick...

You know, like a 1940s private eye from a noir film! Like some sort of Philip Marlowe in his detective's fedora! That guy was a dick through and through! But still not nearly as big of a dick as Campbell... For example, last night Arch boasted that he's been able to predict the big winners for two years in a row! TWO WHOLE YEARS! That must be some kind of record! Oh wait, I've been able to do it for three, four every year since the Internet was born. I guess that makes me the biggest dick of all. I EVEN HAVE THE HAT!

And please, just ignore the fact that Arch's breasts are bigger than mine. Neither of us like to talk about it...

But getting back to WJLA's coverage of the Oscars -- lol. That sh*t was hilarious. Campbell somehow deduced that Black Swan was geared toward women (did he see it?), which caused Cynee Simpson, who went in costume as a beauty pageant contestant from 1998, to pause then recover with something like, "Sure. I guess there was a lot of ballet in it." I mean, really, what the hell else can you even say to that?

More importantly, how much more of that can one person watch? Or worse, read about? And so I'll save you the rest (as I saved myself last night by flipping off network television, both with the remote and my finger), and end this post by punctuating it with an YouTube video, which I found through one of my daily must-clicks, This should be a contender for best documentary film next year.


earth7 said...

I watched the Oscar's. It aired at 9 am this morning live in ASIA vis HONG KONG. I turned it off after the 1 minute music performances, the introductions after introductions after introductions, Gwyneth Paltrow singing, The Social Network getting MORE nominations, and Billy Crystals Botox! It was horrid!

jheisel said...

This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Patrick McCarthy.

First off - who!?

Second - what was it?

somematt said...

It was the first Academy Awards show I've watched in many many years, and the first #oscars (or any) show that I've tried to live-Tweet.

I, too, enjoyed the ceremony. Maybe it's because I've seen most of the big films this past year, so had an actual opinion on the choices? Who knows. It's mostly just a by-product of not having anything better to do than go watch movies.

Incidently, the only Tweet I re-Tweeted was your hilarious note on Randy Newman's speech. It is still making me grin!

Marissa said...


Oh man, I LOVED The Social Network and honestly think it should've won the whole damn thing. No one's going to be talking about The King's Speech in 20 years; people will be talking about The Social Network.

But yeah, Paltrow was horrible, and after such a good Grammy performance, too. Oh well...


THAT IS BULLSH*T! It was a video of like 100 geese running -- yes, RUNNING! -- down the street. It's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. I am saddened that this Patrick McCarthy asshole has taken a slice of happiness and wonder out of all of our lives.


Thank you for the retweet. I worked on that one for, like, a minute, which in Twitter time is like three weeks.

As for the show, yeah. I'm not gonna hate. Franco did what I think everyone who knows anything about Franco would do -- act extremely dry and probably high. And Hathaway, I thought she did fine considering she's not a professional host. That, and her outfits were all awesome.

Randy Newman was still the best, though.

earth7 said...

marissa: really, i didnt care for it that much. i was also stuck on a 17 hour flight having to watch it over AND over again. many that's why.

i did love anne hathaways dresses....

but you're right, i watched the rerun of the show with my bf, and it was little better ;)

Motorcycle Mirrors said...

Maybe it is because I have seen most of the massive films this past year, so had an actual opinion on the choices? Who knows. It is mostly a by-product of not having anything better to do than go watch movies.

Marissa said...


Ooo. Yeah, I actually only watched about 90 minutes of it total probably. Probably a much different experience when you watch it for 17 hours. Eek!


The Oscars are definitely a by-product of movies. But I think it's fun to watch rich, attractive people get dressed up.