Thursday, March 3, 2011

news that will make your children weep over your exploded body

Well, dip me in tiger blood and call me a winner, the attention whore White House party crasher sociopaths known as Michaele and Tariq Salahi are headed to Celebrity Rehab with Doctor Drew. He'll join the likes of other "stars" like David Hassellhoff's TV son on Baywatch, that Asian chick who guest starred on that one Lost episode that one time and Lindsay Lohan's dad. Yes, it's a group sure to amaze and astound, or at the very least confuse you because 1) Who are most of these people? and 2) What the f*ck has gone so wrong in my life that I seem to care?

Yeah, sadly, I'll probably watch this sh*t. I'll hate every minute of it and probably feel like doing all kinds of illegal substances just to mask the shame. Irony. Oh, TV, why must you be so cruel to us?! And I say "us," because I know with the Salahis on, you'll probably be sucked into this spiral of shame, too. See, sociopaths are fascinating...as long as they're presented to you via bad reality shows and not in real life. That's why working on Capitol Hill is so terrifying! ZING!

In other news, Washington City Paper underwent a redesign. I'm sure Dan Snyder will sue for that too.

Twitter and Facebook are more tool-infested than ever.

Why the f*ck is the demand for Type II Diabetes so high in DC?

Lastly, thank high priest Vatican assassin warlocks that this gif exists: SURPRISE!

2 comments:

De in D.C. said...

Wait, what are the Salahi's addicted to? Is "fame-whore" the new black market name for crack?

Marissa said...

I think that might be it. Either that or they're addicted to the fabulousness of DC. Yup. Must be the former.