it's not the tourists...

Duane Hansen, Tourists II, 1988 

I'm not sure what's more annoying: tourists not understanding Metro etiquette or the people who keep complaining about it. (Of course the worst is this blogger complaining about the complainers.) My advice, though? Just give up. Tourists are like the socks to DC's sandals. It will never be OK, no matter how much we may wish it to be.

And so, with that in mind, articles like this one published by The Examiner come across as pretty pointless to me as far as their general scope goes. However, there was one minor detail that piqued my interest.

"On the Metro, when I'm coming here to work, everybody knows, ' right side, you stand, left hand you walk up.' You say 'excuse me,' but they just don't move," said the man, who declined to give his name because he's not allowed to speak with the media." (Emphasis mine.)

Ooo! I love a good scandal! Who could this mystery man be who's "not allowed to speak with the media" even to say something totally innocuous? His employer must be some sort of secret government agency or someone close to the President or, well it's gotta be something.

And maybe I'd have wondered that if I hadn't have just read the previous sentence: "One vendor selling ice cream and drinks near the Lincoln Memorial also offered advice about tourists using Metro escalators." (Again, emphasis mine.)

Yes, it seems this mystery man is actually the ice cream man -- the ice cream man! It's the seller of frozen treats to children who's been slapped with a "no media" policy! What the f*ck?

Is DC just that lame that the overlords of the ice cream cart industry are so paranoid their vendors are going to give out some sort of trade secret that they must use a blanket policy to silence them? Are there even any trade secrets to reveal about selling pre-packaged ice cream? Have the Push-Pops been tampered with?!

Whatever the issue, something seems totally wrong/unjust/illegal with all of this, and judging from this article I wrote some years ago about the semi-criminal racket behind DC's hot dog carts, there probably is. Of course, not having the time right now to investigate myself, anyone who wants to take this as a news tip, please do.

However, considering this is DC, the place where people get fired from their jobs because they have an entertaining hobby, even if said entertaining hobby doesn't have sh*t to do with their jobs (never forget), I wouldn't be surprised if the ice cream overlords are just a bunch of controlling a-holes.

Like I said, tourists aren't DC's main problem. A pair of Tevas will look like crap whether you wear them with socks or not.