i actually hope to see you all in hell

I must admit, I'm actually excited to be back in DC. I blame Spring. See, while I miss Iceland and all of its hipster-coiffed horses, I must say, the end of March isn't exactly the best month for tourism there.

In fact, in many places it's still pretty much winter there, which means half the roads are either marked "IMPASSABLE" or they're not, which will lead you to wind up the side of an icy mountain where your non-automatic rental car with over 100,000 miles on it will start slipping toward the 70-foot cliff with no guard rail that forms the edge before you think to yourself, "Yep, this seems like a great time to execute a 15-point turn." But I digress...

Besides certain death, the worst part about the icy road conditions means you can't go to Hell. Ironic, no? Hell is actually frozen over. However, just because it's too cold to drive there, doesn't mean you should stop telling people to go there. In fact, I recommend you all go straight to Hell. It looks awesome. Even DC's fake Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton wishes Congress to go there!

And with their imminent self-imposed time off, surely they'll have time to try...

But for real, let me just proclaim my sincere love for fake-Rep. Holmes Norton. What's even better than her telling Congress "to go straight to hell," is her visibly disturbed shoulder shrugs and adamant scowl of discontent. In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if this interview ended in a HULK ELEANOR HOLMES NORTON SMASH! Actually, I wished for that to happen. But, like actually getting to Hell in March, not everything is possible, so instead I had to settle for this interview ending with the angriest rendition of "my pleasure" that I ever heard. Not a bad compromise. It's good to be back.