Tuesday, September 1, 2009

it's bean real

I went to the Georgetown Waterfront for the first time yesterday and I gotta say, surprisingly, I didn't hate it. Of course, I was there around 4 p.m., which, if you know anything about DC, you know is far from the "Douching Hour."

What's the Douching Hour, you ask? Well, it's that time of day, or night, rather, during which the dudes with popped collars and the girls who have yet to learn how to walk in their 4-inch heels come out to swap STDs. In addition, there is often a lot of hair product involved. On the men.

Getting back to what's important here though, ahem, my experience, I will tell you that it was enhanced by a scoop of pistachio ice cream and the fantastically unseasonable weather global warming may or may not have provided us yesterday.

As I sat and stared out at the sun shining so brilliantly over the river two things happened: 1) I almost went blind because, duh, it's not healthy to stare at the sun, and 2) I made some pretty major life-changing decisions. As I gingerly slurped my delightful dessert and blinked furiously having just looked at the sun, I realized pistachio really wasn't the flavor I was craving. I was craving beans. It was then and there that I decided to open a trendy new dessert shop in which every sweet has at least one type of bean as an ingredient. Bean doughnuts, bean scones, bean pies, bean cupcakes, bean cakes, bean pudding, bean brullé, beanklava, chocolate-covered frozen beananas, and several other bean-based sweets. (I told you this was life-changing.)

Let me know if you want to invest. It will be called Good Fiberations.

I'd invest myself, but unfortunately it looks like my government-supported unemployed checks are about to end. So it's either I keep my beansicle recipes to myself or I rely on your collective millions to make sure America's digestive tracts are healthier after dessert. It's up to you.

Speaking of you, a very bizarre but kind of awesome incident happened last week. A reader recognized me on the street. And I do mean that literally. We were both on our respective bicycles on the street when someone called out, "Hey! It's Marissa and Baguette!"

Although in my mind I'm just about as famous as a Michael Jackson impersonator, in reality I know that mostly no one cares about what I do on a day-to-day basis or even what I write about here. So, clearly, this caused a bit of shock. But then, before I could say anything cool, maybe a rape joke, the light changed and my mysterious e-friend was gone.

Looking back, I'm now not sure if I imagined it or not. Maybe my helper horse Sven had slipped some sort of hallucinogen into that morning's beantini. Perhaps I'll never know. Perhaps it's better that way.

Anyway, that might be the most exciting thing to have ever happened to me in DC. While riding my bike. Last week. During the afternoon. Between 2:30 and 3.

Clearly the most exciting thing to have ever happened to me was thinking up the idea for Good Fiberations. Seriously, who's in?


Anonymous said...

I'll invest in the Beano dispenser for your restaurant.

Marissa said...

Consider it done.

Ben (The Tiger in Exile) said...

Suggest losing the e.

"Good Fibrations"

Lets you write a theme song parodying the Beach Boys, too...

Anonymous said...

I think you're onto something with this bean craze. Maybe it will spread like the bacon craze of 2008 (though that craze will always live on in my heart (until it's clogged by all the bacon fat and ceases beating)). I like the expansion into fancy drinks with the beantini. I think this restaurant could really take off if you open it on the 14th St corridor. WaPo keeps telling me that's where all the cool restaurants are.

-anonymous brian

Anonymous said...

I used to work in the G-town Harbor. (Nice view, but otherwise, its just and office.) I could not believe the people who would come tie up their boats every summer Thursday and Friday. There was one guy who was there, by himself, every Thursday and Friday by 2:00. By 2:15, he would be lounging shirtless. By 3:30, the margharita machine would be out and by 5:00, there would be 5-6women on his boat. Unreal. I guess its great to be funemployed.

Debbi said...

I love this post--the whole bean idea, the name Good Fibrations (either spelling), the notion that Sven slipped you a hallucinogenic mickey. It's so funny, that--uh--oh, wait--oh, my goodness. OMG! Is that my book cover on your blog? (Holy sh*t. My book's on the famous Marissa's blog. OMFG!!)

This is so awesome! Thank you!!!

I take it you enjoyed the story.

Caitlin said...

I don't have any money, but I will work for you for free in exchange for bean dessert products.

Marissa said...


Yeah, good spelling point. Although I was thinking I'd make the tune to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch's "Good Vibrations." Feeeeeeeeeeeeel the fibrations! Come on, come on! Feel it! Feel it!

anonymous brian--

We're on the same wavelength!


That guy needs a beantini. I want to invent a boat that runs on beans.


The last two weeks have been madness, so I'm not quite finished yet. (I have barely enough time to read my own blog these days.) But I MUST know what happens!!!


Spokesperson, perhaps?

BAD said...

I vote for Good Fiberations, with the e.

This is a really good idea.

jeneric said...

I saw you once at the Ghostland show at 9:30 club but I thought it would be too creepy to say something. Plus, it would have been too hard to wade through the crowd of non-dancing, packed-in-like-sardines, frat boys to get over where you were.