Wednesday, September 2, 2009

i've bean busy

I apologize for using the same pun twice in a row. But see, I just can't help myself. Despite being so unemployed, for some reason, I haven't had much time to think of any new fresh ways to play on the word bean and the rest of the English language.

What has become of me?

Well, you'll all soon find out. OMG! CLIFFHANGER!

I'm just like the last episode of Season 1 of The Wire. What's Omar gonna do?! But don't tell me. I just started Season 2 the other day.

Which, at another time, may explain why I haven't had the time to create new bean puns. But no. In fact, I've only had the time to watch one episode. It's sad, really.

But despite my lack of time to wordsmith and watch TV, I've still been able to scope out a few things on the Interweb. While in the past I've usually chosen a different language to present this Web regurgitation, today I'll be sticking to English. And instead of presenting five links, I've only got three. (Hey, I had to give myself time to sneak in at least that one episode...)

And so without further, retarded ado, let's get down to business.

One! DC really gets my goat. For those of you who don't live here, some controversy is brewing regarding the city's decision to remove a "Ghost Bike" memorial to a cyclist who was struck and killed by a garbage truck last year while riding within the law. My expert opinion: That's f*cked up. However, not everyone feels this way. There's some interesting discussion over at the Prince of Petworth.

Two! After a heated discussion of whether men prefer butts or boobs, or as I like to say buttflaps to breasticles, the parties involved were forced to turn to the Internet. And we found this. Apparently, I was right and, also, there's a show on the air called Manswers. I don't know about you, but I feel like I want nothing more right now than to tune into Lifetime Television for women and watch a couple episodes of the Golden Girls.

Three! "I'm just a prom night dumpster baby!" Because teen pregnancy/murder is hilarious.

4 comments:

Ben (The Tiger in Exile) said...

Speaking of fucked up shit involving cyclists...

Anonymous said...

If you can another reputable news source that addresses the age old question of "Can you have Scuba Sex?" or such scientific questions as "Are Natural boobs* getting bigger?" and "Does spanking lead to horniness?", I'll gladly read that news sources. Until then, I guess we're all stuck with the scientists at Spike TV's Manswers.**

-anonymous brian

*that's the scientific term for breasticles

** Does lifetime have Womanswers?

Marissa said...

ben--

Canada sounds like one dangerous place!

anonymous brian--

Scuba sex? As a scuba diver, myself, I have a hard time seeing how that could be an enjoyable activity. Not to mention very safe. I mean, first, assuming you're deep enough (no pun intended), the water can get chilly, so you'd want a wet suit. Assuming you're in warm enough water, though, it still seem stupid. I mean, the key to a pleasant dive is achieving buoyancy through a slow, calm breathing process. I just don't see scuba sex as a real option unless you're a sea turtle.

As far as Womanswers, perhaps I've just found my calling...

Anonymous said...

Marissa,

Because you seemed so adamant that it couldn't happen and I have so much, um, faith(?) in Spike TV's scientists, I decided for the benefit of fellow Anti-DC readers (and its author, of course) to subject myself to 3 mins and 18 secs of Spike TV. If I weren't funemployed and actually had health care, I would be in therapy right now. Anyways, Manswers took the question of scuba sex and, well, Manswered it.

http://www.spike.com/video/whats-best-way-to/3065504

-anonymous brian

*spoiler*

In order to avoid having to suffer through that atrocious clip yourself, I can report the following information:

1.) you can die from scuba sex, if done wrong

2.) the best (only?) position for scuba sex is the cowgirl position

3.) the video is so hilariously bad, it might be worth the trauma to experience it