there's a goat on the loose!

Attention, everyone! Attention! There's a goat on the loose!

And in case you didn't just process that headline and sentence, I'll make like the Washington Post and repeat it a third time on the same Web page: THERE'S A MOTHERF*CKING GOAT ON THE LAM!

Mention No. 1

And mentions 2 and 3. Thanks for the overkill about something that's only mildly interesting the first time...

But seriously, Post, we get it and repeating it multiple times doesn't make it any more interesting. I mean, let's look at the material for a minute: there's a goat running around and it's in Gaithersburg. Don't correct me if I'm wrong, but is this actually newsworthy? I mean, isn't Gaithersburg surrounded by farmland and, ergo, several hundred goats? Surely, this can't be the first time one has jumped the fence...

Yep, OK. I've decided this is definitely not newsworthy. It's nothing against goats, but c'mon, it's not like we're talking about a rabid tiger here. Or a regular tiger. Or even a baby tiger.

Awww...

 No, not that one, this one!

Terrifying.

Now that'd be a story worth repeating. That motherf*cker looks ferocious!

But whatever, I guess the Post has decided to take whatever scraps it can get and call it news. And since I'm insatiably curious and a little too self-masochating, I guess I'll give one of these headlines about this goat a click through. Maybe I've underestimated the importance of this bovid. *click*

Um...seriously? That's it? Not even a story about why or how the goat got loose, or more interestingly, why the goat didn't run in the opposite direction of Gaithersburg (let's face it, that 'burb looks about as human-friendly as it does goat-friendly)? Wow. This is actually less interesting than I figured it'd be and, to think, it took three headlines... Three headlines just to link to a video. But hell, I'm in too deep now to turn back, so I'll watch. This better be f*cking good...



Hmm. I suppose that was mildly amusing, although I think some Benny Hill-style music would've helped it greatly, but I definitely do not think this is worth three headlines. And, in fact, for a publication like the Post, it's hardly worth one...

Here's the thing: I think this aforementioned Gaithersburg goat-chasing was a good get for the Montgomery Village Patch site that captured and originally posted the video. That's what Patch's job is -- to get "hyperlocal" and cover things that only six people care about -- so kudos to them. But the Washington Post? What the f*ck? Sure, I suppose this "story" is a funny afterthought, appropriate and localish enough to link to in a blog post, but in no way is this worthy of three headlines. It's barely worthy of one. I mean, seriously, in a metro-area (and I'm including the suburbs here, since the Post seems to cater to them anyway) that's composed of 8,440,617 people, there must be some other sh*t worth highlighting than a silly goat video...

But whatever. Goats are fainting in Florida. Goats are fainting in Florida. Goats are fainting in Florida.