Saturday, February 23, 2008

to pierce my heart (LOL!) or to whig out (LOL again!)

Dead President Franklin Pierce is my "Presidential Hottie Soulmate," according to a retardulous online quiz I found through another DC-area blogger. Amazingly (and sadly) this quiz knows my type, judging from its apt description of Dreamboat Pierce:
Well, his presidency was largely forgettable, if not disastrous, but man...those cheekbones. That intensity. Also great hair. Unbelievable hair. I hate to break it to you but your life together would not be harmonious -- there would be that not-so-small issue of his fatal alcoholism threatening your relationship (it probably destroyed his marriage). But he would love you so so much, in his own tortured and inadequate way -- always loyal to you even as he pissed you off, always trying his hardest to do right by you and wanting to make you happy... and pretty much always failing. And yet every time he came crawling back and stared deep into your eyes, pleading, begging... kissing you... with those Franklin Pierce lips... oy. Such delicious drama.
Delicious drama, indeed! But could those magical "Franklin Pierce lips" really override his remedial efforts to run this great nation of ours?

It's a tough call considering those thin Franklin Pierce lips are framed by such a magical pile of greasy hair and that Georgetown-esque popped collar around his jowls. However, superficial though I am, I still don't think his "hotness" could ever make up for his less-than-stellar (read: exceptionally messed up) record. Then again, is that an ascot? No! No accessory could ever make up for his status as one of the worst presidents ever. But then again, this Shambles McShambleson was drunk all the time. He probably didn't know what he was signing! O, the turmoil my Presidential Hottie Soulmate is putting me through!

And to think if my dear Franklin had lost, my virtual heart could have belonged to Whig contender General Winfield Scott. This looker can't even keep his own hands off himself.

Presidential Hottie Soulmate overload! Anyway, if you'd like to know who your main presidential squeeze is (and I know you do, DC), click here. Godspeed.


I-66 said...

Yay Pepto Bismol!

BAD said...

annexing Cuba wasn't such a bad idea. I bet Franklin loved mojitos!

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

I got JFK lol

molly j. said...

I got Abe Lincoln. Which makes sense... because who doesn't love "The Babe?"

Marissa said...


Thank you for picking up on the P.Bismol allusion. Tight.


The mojito is what would've kept Franklin and I together.

capitol hill-- that was a classy man. Far too classy for me. Awww shucks.

molly j.--

You're right, who doesn't love "The Babe?" More important, who doesn't love a top hat?