Wednesday, November 21, 2007

the anti dc thanksgiving


There seems to be a major disconnect between me and the general populаtion of DC. In fact, I'd venture to say this barrier may also extend between me and most of America. Let's see if you and I would make good friends.

Would you use the word "depressing" to describe spending Thanksgiving at a casino in Atlantic City?

If you answerd yes, skip to Section II.

If you answered "hell-to-the-no" and I'm now your hero then stick with me. We're tight.

You guessed it -- I'll be spending my holiday brushing up my Golden Touch Dice Revolution! skills at one or more craps tables in Atlantic City and, not only am I not depressed, but I'm ridiculously excited. This may just be the best Thanksgiving ever, possibly eclipsing my Christmas '05 at Foxwoods with dinner at the IHOP.

While Foxwoods may be a classier affair (and more appropriate for the Thanksgiving holiday, if you know what I mean) than anything found in New Jersey (um, no offense), the IHOP Christmas dinner was a stretch. Thanksgiving dinner '07, however, will most likely surpass the meal I would've eaten otherwise since I don't dig turkey. Tomorrow I'll be at the Tropicana's Fiesta buffet, where I'm hoping a festive layout will allow a literal cornucopia to be overflowing with king crab legs. Seriously, how ridiculously awesome would that be?! Oh man, wish you were coming! When I return after pillaging the casino's vault, we'll do brunch. My treat.

Section II

Hmm...I'm going to Atlantic City for Thanksgiving. Feeling sorry for me? There's really no need. Riddle me this: In what world is lining your pockets with hundreds of dollars cause for pity? That's what I thought. Although, I'm guessing that it's not the act of gambling that necessarily led you to initially feel sorry for me. It's probably because you instantly thought that either I don't have family to hang with for the holidays or that they didn't invite me to hang with them. Fortunately, neither of those situations are true. I do have family I could theoretically break bread with, however, they live nowhere near here. Weighing my options, I reasoned that I'd rather avoid airports and high ticket prices for the holiday weekend and just go see them all some other time -- a cheaper, less annoying time. (Um, love you, family!)

However, let me assure you that I won't be gambling alone. (Although in all honesty, I don't think solo gambling on a major holiday is necessarily depressing. Sitting alone and crying is depressing, but having a good time in a casino? That's tight!) The budding Golden Touch Dice Revolution! crew travels in packs of two or more.

If you're still not convinced, then maybe this will change your opinion. Although I heart the USA, I despise traditional American holiday food. Save for the delicious pumpkin pie, I don't like turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, greenbean casseroles or most of the other "fixins." I'd much prefer (and sorry for the repeat if you didn't follow the instructions and skip directly to Section II) a literal cornucopia chock full of king crab legs at the Tropicana's Fiesta Buffet. God bless it!

Now, if you still think celebrating Thanksgiving (um, or Christmas -- Foxwoods '05) at a craps table is depressing, then, well, I'm afraid we might not ever get over our disconnect. Hate to say it but, that's more your loss that mine as I will be fleecing the casino while you're getting fat. Zing!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

1 comment:

jheisel said...

you don't like stuffing? you're dead to me.