Thursday, November 15, 2007

taDC unisex item of the day

I just spent about an hour (yes, of my work day) trying to come up with the perfect explanation for why I chose Golden Touch Dice Control Revolution! by Frank Scoblete and "Dominator" as The Anti DC Item of the Day, but I'll be damned if words have failed me.

I could tell you that it will teach you how to use a controlled throw to win at the casino game of craps. I could tell you that it might help you if you decide to join my underground DC c-lo parlor.* I could even tell you that it might help you control your throws in Monopoly, if that's how you roll, so to speak.

But even more than simply teaching you how to "throw them bones" just so, this book is a literary masterpiece. I'll let Scoblete and Domintor illustrate that with their adept storytelling:

The great Golden Touch dice controller, Dominator, was getting the dice. There was a huge crowd, maybe 40 people around the table, 12 playing, and the others watching.


Oh, yes, I was nervous. I was nervous for Dominator and for Golden Touch. I wanted the people to see what we could do but I was fearful that after a long day and with the natural fluctuations in any skillful activity, we could quite frankly bomb. ...Even Babe Ruth didn't always
hit a homer on each at bat.

Was Dominator nervous? He never appears nervous. His saying about his dice control ability is simple: "Any time, any place!"


As the dice were passed to me for my Come-Out roll, I said one of my meaningful prayers, Please God, just let me roll a few numbers. Please, God, don't let me seven out right after establishing a point. Please, God, just don't let me make a fool of myself.

I hear a small voice in the crowd, "That's Frank Scoblete, the writer."

God, please, I just don't want to make a fool of myself.

I lofted the dice, thanking God I couldn't seven out on the Come-Out roll. And then I rolled.

Like R Kelly in his addictive Trapped in the Closet series, Scobete and Dominator also understand the intricacies the power cliffhanger. Best $11.53 I ever spent.

*And here's where I connect this post to the "DC theme" of this blog. Seriously, don't you think this city could use some good old-fashioned street gaming? Although, come to think of it, in my opinion, all cities could use a sizable dose of ad hoc underground gambling parlors.

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