Tuesday, November 20, 2007

hipsters: the least annoying people in dc?

I'm about to say something that some of you might find shocking.


Hipsters are the least annoying people in DC.

That's right. The LEAST annoying. Let's take a trip through my brain to understand how I came up with this.

I began on an extremely superficial premise that the wide majority of DC dwellers fit into one or more stereotypes, of which hipster is one. The others I came up with rather hastily include:
  • Diehard Republicans;
  • Diehard Democrats;
  • Tourists, specifically those who travel in groups larger than two (I really mean one);
  • Hill interns;
  • Lawyers who hate their jobs; and
  • Loud teenagers on my commute.*

Let's start by taking a closer look at two of the most popular sterotypes in DC: diehard Republicans and Democrats.

First, it's impossible to hold a conversation with someone who has a unilateral vision of the world. If you're convinced the Bush-Cheney team is the greatest there is, then you're more annoying than a hipster. If you're convinced Hillary Clinton is the only way forward, then you're more annoying than a hipster. Deal with it.

Now, on to tourists, specifically those who travel in groups.

I don't think I need to explain this one. If you're a tourist in DC, chances are you are much more annoying than a hipster. Learn to read a map and stop standing like asshats on the left side of the metro escalators.

The category of Hill interns gets slightly more complicated.

Just because you are an intern doesn't necessarily make you more annoying than a hipster. However, because the only place I'd probably ever interact with you is on the Hill, you are by default an annoyance. You're presence also reminds me that its now necessary for me to use old-lady eye creme. Therefore, you're more annoying than a hipster. Sorry.

Next up? Miserable lawyers. Or anyone who hates their job so much that it's the only thing they can talk about.

The qualifier on this one is essential. If you're a lawyer who loves what you do, then you are not automatically more annoying than a hipster (although you may be a giant tool -- JK, lawyer friends!). However, if you're a lawyer who hates your job and you love to complain about it all the f*ing time, then you are most definitely more annoying than a hipster. If you hate your job, get a new one.

Lastly, I turn to the category of loud teenagers, more specifically, those on my bus every GD morning.

It's 8:30 a.m., isn't that past first period? Shouldn't you already be in school? And if you are late, why are all your friends late with you? Speaking of you and your friends, teenagers on my bus, can you simmer down? I don't feel comfortable knowing who did what to whom or how wasted you got last night or that you hate so-and-so because she's a hooker. And also aren't you 15 years old? Your sh*t is not tight. You are so much more annoying than a hipster. Shut the f*ck up.

So, there you have it. Hipsters are the least annoying people in DC. To any hipsters that may be reading this, let's do brunch and talk about your imported Romanian record collection and admire your Flock of Seaguls' haircut.



Janet said...

Great post. You're so right. Hipsters are probably the least annoying people in DC. I'm glad for it too...I have a little secret affinity for the hipsters. I think it's 'cause I always want to go do things like this: http://www.roomforyourimagination.com. My favorite video is from room 223 called Labels. It’s so hilarious! Gymnasts is good too! You need to go check it out! These videos are awesome…I work with them so I have the inside scoop!

Marissa said...

Eeek. I have a Mac and it seems I don't have a "plug-in" or whatever to watch the videos. Damn you, technology, damn you!

Righteous (re)Style said...

You forgot all the do-gooder NGOers in DC. My God, there are, like, hundreds of thousands of them. (me included, unfortunately.) You know, the people wearing worn-in corduroys and Dansko clogs. (yep, me again.)

Lucinda said...

People should read this.

Anonymous said...

As an LA hipster moving to DC im glad to read there is enough of us to be noticeable, that means i wont be the only lonely hipster in NW. lol

Anonymous said...

I literally laughed OUTLOUD when I read this...

Georgina said...

I totally agree...but then again I dont find hipsters that annoying.You are spot on about the people that live here! Where then, do you think is the nicest place to hang out/live in DC? I find it impossible to stay in one place in DC, I just start hating it. You rok for putting this up