the perfect hooker dress

It's no secret that much like pimpin', shopping in DC ain't easy. If in the event you actually find something that isn't khaki, it's generally pretty expensive (see Cusp, Barney's CO-OP, Nana, etc.), thus making shopping in the District -- again much like pimpin' -- pretty hard. I mean, you have your cheap hookers no one wants and you have your expensive, high-class hookers that no one can afford. What's a pimp to do?!

Hmm...something seems a bit off about my simile. I mean, shopping isn't really like pimpin' at all. Nope, clearly shopping is more like picking up hookers than pimping them out. I mean, like a john looking for a good-looking hooker for a reasonable price, all I really want is a good-looking piece of clothing that won't put me into debt, y'know?

Ahh yes. I'm much more satisfied with that. And so, in the spirit of my revised theme, I am pleased to tell you that today I got a really good deal on one helluva high-class hooker. And she is a beauty! Retail price: $415. Sale price: $100. My pimp: Muléh, located at 1841 14th St. NW just off of U Street. Seriously, feast your eyes on this bitch (as modeled by Russian President Vladimir Putin's visage on a tapestry I got for $10 in Moscow):

Tight.

This is a new brand of hooker for me made by a label called Zero by Maria Cornejo. It's hard to tell from the photo, but this hooker is navy blue and white grosgrain -- a fabric I don't usually go for because it tends to look a little apron-esque -- and cut to perfection. The wide straps come together in a V-formation in the front. Here's a close up of the straps on Vova:

Super tight.

Lastly, this hooker has a bubble hem, which, like the grosgrain, I don't often go for. But there's just something about this one. She's special -- and for once, I don't mean that in the remedial way. Pootie likes her too:

Ultra tight!

Yes! Not only do I own this grosgrain, V-strapped, bubble-hemmed lovely, but I also own a gold Putin bust to go with my Putin tapestry and, um, Putin t-shirt:

Putin-on-Putin-on-Putin tight!

Now, all I need is a pair of these and I can die happy. But dammit, where there's a will there's a way! I declare, Putin panties will be mine!