Tuesday, March 10, 2009

people are smarter than me

Or perhaps this is simply a sign of the coming apocalypse? Kind of like the plethora of used condoms sprinkled around at least one of DC's public parks? What I'm saying is that times are rough. So rough, in fact, that SOMEONE IS PROPOSING TO EXCHANGE CONCERT TICKETS (and good ones at that!) FOR A JOB!

And because I'm retarded and can't figure out how to post a screen capture that is actually readable, here's what this proposal states:

Reply t0: [deleted]

Hi there,

I'm unable to attend the show that night and would like to give you my tickets (2 total).

My tickets are free to the first person who helps me find a new job.

That's right--free. No joke, I swear.

I'm ready for a career change. I'm a published writer currently working in news. I am open to new and interesting possibilities, thus the job does not have to be journalism-related.

If you have any ideas/tips/contact information that directly help in landing me a new full-time career, the tickets are yours.

But you must hurry, the show is only a week away.

Thanks for your help and consideration.

Um, wow. That's nothing short of brilliant. And desperate. So desperate, in fact, that someone wrote me to ask if I had posted that ad. Now, I can't say I'm not at least slightly flattered. For one, it means this blog has at least one reader. Hooray! More importantly, though, it means someone believes I'm savvy enough to propose a so-harebrained-it-just-might-work scheme like this.

At the same time, however, I must admit I'm a bit disenchanted that this reader thought it was me. This Craigslist poster clearly indicates that he or she is currently employed and any attentive reader of this blog would surely know by now that, save for actually being able to collect my welfare due to a wee dispute, I'm as unemployed as I can possibly get. Also, in no way shape or form do I want to work. That's gross. But despite what seems like an obvious tell that the aforementioned genius is NOT me, I still love this reader just as much as I love my real-life friends. Maybe even more. Because I'm creepy.

And I'm also stupid! Which is why I regret to reveal that I did not post that advert.

Luckily, however, I'm not so stupid that I won't jack this idea if it turns out to actually work. Yep, I'm just creepy enough to do that. Obviously. So, anonymous Craigslist poster, if you're out there and you've stumbled upon the e-glory hole that is this blog, reveal yourself and let me know if this so-crazy-it-can't-not-work idea somehow works. I believe in you. Here's to hoping another Modest Mouse fan does too. Godspeed.


And ahhh sh*****t. It seems I've been scooped. Damn you, DCist! Damn you!


I-66 said...

I'm not sure what would insult me more, that someone would think I wrote that ad, or that someone would be intimating that I listen to Modest Mouse by suggesting that I wrote it. Tough one.

Marissa said...

What? Modest Mouse is pretty good. Come on now.

jheisel said...

why is it desperate? s/he clearly states that they can't go to the gig, so the tickets would just be going to waste.

i imagine they'd exchange them for cold, hard cash in a pinch.

ps: is this show even sold out?

Lu said...

hahahaha every time i read something here i just crack up laughing! your writing is seriously SO funny and half the time i don't even know what you are talking about. lol have you ever thought about applying for a news paper or internet news paper colum or something similar?

Marissa said...


It's desperate because they're not trading it for money, but a JOB. Maybe that's not the most reliable economic indicator, but I think it's rather symbolic of our times.

And yes, the show is sold out. DC is full of surprises!


Thanks so much for the compliments! You know I'm a fan of your thoughts and ideas, as well. I have thought about having a column. I used to have one in Russia. But I'm not sure this particular city has thought about me having a column. We'll see. Your well-wishing is certainly motivation for me!