Tuesday, August 3, 2010

just imagine this was written with a quill pen

OK, so I guess that was actually four parts. But whatever, the point is Twitter has eliminated my need to blog...at least about particular instances. What Twitter hasn't done, however (and will never do), is eliminate my need to write extensively about concepts and ideas. One-hundred and forty characters be damned!

So, here's the idea: There are people who aren't complete assholes living in DC. I know it's shocking; I know it's wild, but hear me out because I think I know why...

Here's a fact: I'm a jerk. (I mean, really, this blog is built around me being an asshole, come on.) Here's another fact: But I'm not a miserable bitch every second of every day. Why? Because of this blog -- it's my creative outlet through which I vent to the world why I loathe it so much. It keeps me from being hooked on drugs. (Huffing doesn't count.) And more importantly, it keeps me from acting like a total dick to everyone I know, total strangers, and probably small children and puppies. (I'm still quite a dick to large children and kittens, however.)

What I'm saying, I guess, is that I think that woman who gave me her reusable green bag either has a blog or is engaged in some other form of creative expression that allows her to air her grievances elsewhere other than at individuals she happens to encounter. The guy who then tried to run down two pedestrians because he really didn't want to wait at the red light to turn right, probably does not. Ass.

I mean, think about it. DC is such a stuffy town. A lot of people come here solely to pad their resumes. Like a reality show, they're not here to make friends. They treat DC like a giant office, keeping personal thoughts and feelings to themselves and staying stapled securely to the straight and narrow. Really, it's like being surrounded by a half-a-million Dexters, except the only people they're murdering is themselves. Slowly.

Seriously, how many politicians do you think aren't psychopaths? Most seem to care little about the people they claim to serve, which they show so often by engaging in risky scandals and unethical behavior.

Then again, not everyone here wants to be a politician. Some people here want to be lobbyists [insert exact same psychopath analogy here, I guess], others want to be lawyers, humanitarians, consultants, restaurant owners, reporters, writers, hairdressers, bartenders, engineers, and the list goes on. What this list shows is that not everyone in DC is a born psychopath (just the people in power are). So why does it seem this city's residents (and the surrounding area's residents, as well) are so often completely devoid of emotion or empathy? Why do so many people here seem to be on the dick spectrum?

I really do believe it has something to do with a lack of creativity. Like fashion, it seems having anything to do with the world of arts and letters is frowned upon here as frivolous. That really is a shame. Not only does it prevent DC from ever becoming a true community, but it so often makes it generally unpleasant to live here.

Creativity is an aggression valve. It keeps people who are capable of feeling feelings from imploding and/or exploding. It makes people more pleasant and places more beautiful. Spic and span concrete certainly has it's place, but so do street murals. And I mean that both literally and metaphorically. I mean, just think of what DC could be if it one day decided to loosen its tie and undo the top button -- just for a few hours a day. I think it would have the potential to be one of the most unique, hospitable, greatest city's of the world.

I urge everybody to paint something, sing something, write something, photograph something, rhyme something, play something, act something, or maybe just give someone your extra grocery bag and think of it as performance art. In other words, make friends, you assholes. :)


Sara said...

I really enjoyed this post, and I agree that DC isn't always a very friendly place. Lots of important people doing important things, and all that.

Personally, I think that kindness can be interpreted not only as performance art, but also as a selfish act. It makes me feel better about myself and the world when I approach strangers with a positive attitude, if only because it encourages others to behave the same way.

McBanks, F. said...

So much Word. And beware the failed DC artist with an ax to grind. In my experience, they're the ones most likely to turn evil scientist on ya.

Patty Duke said...

You hit the nail on the head, as the saying goes. My first major in college was Elementary Education I didn't like it at all. Not because I hated children. I love children(the reason for selecting this major). It was the bureaucrasy of being a teacher in DC. I changd my major to Theater Arts and became a happy camper in college. So, there is something to be said for creativity.

SarahQ said...

awesome :)

Sweet Charity said...

I am so very with you on the DC hating. I've lived here for just over one year now (my husband is in the Army, stationed at the Pentagon). I frequently bitch about the asstastic population here; it's worse than LA. I vent about it (and my douchey DC job) on my blog too. I think my writing is the only thing that has kept me from losing my marbles and/or kicking a politican in the croutons. I will indeed be following your blog! :)


Art Trip said...

"I urge everybody to paint something, sing something, write something, photograph something, rhyme something, play something, act something, or maybe just give someone your extra grocery bag and think of it as performance art. In other words, make friends, you assholes." Henry Miller couldn't have said it better. Bravo!

Debbi said...

What a wonderful post! And, you're right. Not everyone in DC (or surrounding burbs) is a complete douche. But talk about your damning with faint praise. (As a person who's lived in the area WAY too long, I'm allowed to say such things. :))

Marissa said...


I completely agree with you re: kindness as a selfish act. I think it's been proven that it sets off some neurons or something that actually releases endorphins and makes us feel good. Unless you're evil, I guess...


I should probably order a chemistry set...

Sweet Charity--

Minus the job, we are in the same boat. Writing has been an incredible outlet for me. Clearly. I'll have to check out your blog, thanks for the link.

Art Trip--

That is the highest compliment. Thank you!


Douches come with the territory. Literally...

Patty Duke said...

Re: Marissa's Comments,
I'm feeling a little left out.

Marissa said...


It seems I missed a couple in there! I'm not used to getting so many comments, let's face it.


That's too bad the system drives qualified would-be teachers away from helping kids.


Hi! And thanks!

Anonymous said...

Creativity doesn't automatically stave off being an ass, although it helps. But for the exception, look at Ian MacKaye, and his legions of anti-sex, anti-drugs, anti-fun minions. They prove you can be creative and still be complete douchebags.

ps, I love the quote "it's like being surrounded by a half-a-million Dexters, except the only people they're murdering is themselves. Slowly."

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