not quite an obit...

Disgraced-then-undisgraced coot-off runner-up Ted Stevens, the former Republican Alaskan senator who was indicted then unindicted on corruption charges, has died. And while it's always sad when someone dies, I'm sometimes a little skeptical of the public mourning surrounding the deaths of politicians. Why do we suddenly forget all the unscrupulous career moves deceased politicians (most of whom are probably psychopaths devoid of normal markers of humanity anyway) ever made and only remember the good? I mean really, when Hitler died, should the world have looked back and noted how "passionate" he was about Germany? Bitch please.

Now, clearly, besides being a politician, Stevens has absolutely nothing to do with Hitler (please, let's not get that twisted), but the comparison helps me underline a larger point -- it's unfair to the public for the news media to suddenly fawn over someone simply due to the fact that he died.

Luckily, we here in DC don't fall for such sentimentalities, especially when dealing with a man who, according to Mike DeBonis of the Washington Post, hated this city so much that he thought it was unfit for representation in the federal government. The reason? Apparently, because of the federal government.

"This is a company town," Stevens once said. "This is a federal government town."

Uh-huh. And because of that view, this blog exists. As long as people like Stevens spew that kind of drivel upon our city, DC will continue to be what Stevens, himself, once described as "gone to hell." Yes, it's people like Stevens (i.e., the federal government, which views DC as nothing more than a giant office building) who make DC suck, who make sure we're still being nationally taxed without having a national voice.

So, are people who think like Stevens just stupid or are they willfully ignorant? That is, do they understand that they are the reason why they hate DC so much? And if they do, then what the f*ck is their motivation? I mean, really, it blows my mind when someone working within the system they claim has made DC so horrible has the gall to say something like, "God forbid that someone should tell me that the city of Washington is my home. I can't think of a worse city to have as capital and I don't care who knows it." Stevens said that in 1982, after about a decade-and-a-half in Washington serving as a senator. Dead or alive, that's a f*cking douchey thing to say, especially when you were/are part of the motherf*cking problem.

And trust me, I understand the irony of criticizing Stevens's hatred of the city when I maintain a blog call The Anti DC, but there are several key differences between our views that make one of us completely out of his element and the other spot on in her witty, thought-provoking prose. And considering my purposeful use of distinctive possessive adjectives in that last sentence, I trust you can figure out to whom I'm saying what. (Hint: I'm not insulting myself.)

Not to mention, it doesn't hurt that with all my vitriol, there's also a heavy dose of affection for this little cess pool of a city. (I mean that lovingly, of course.) Indeed, I am the Hugh Honey to my own Vic Vinegar. In fact, I think it's my recognition that DC is under such a cloud of douche that makes me able to truly appreciate what little this city actually gets right. Those few things are like the couple of turtles who made it through the BP oil spill. They should be loved even more because of it.

And so, here we stand, hopefully with a better understanding of why everyone (that is, the natives, the feds and people like me who, "God forbid," have come to adopt the District as their home) hates DC. Recognizing the problem is always the first step.

But getting back to the reason I wrote this in the first place, I hope wherever Stevens is now suits him better than the place he chose to spend nearly half his life. R.I.P.