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Actual screenshot. Amazing.

Also brought to you by the THE EMPTY SET OF QUOTATION MARKS. What. The. F*ck??? The Washington Post's Endlessly Awful Web Redesign

It's only a matter of time now before Mayor Vince Gray develops a crack addiction and starts yelling at a bitch for setting him up, right? TBD/ABC7

Rebecca Black's 13-year-old friend must have been driving. Either way, FUN FUN FUN FUN! DCist

I read the Post this morning---"pause for murmurings of sympathy!"---and the only thing worse than the awful Web redesign (SEE ABOVE!) is that this passed as a column fit to publish. Washington Post

So, let me get this straight: Russia can petition for, plan and host the Winter Olympics by 2014, yet DC and Virginia can't figure out how to build a railway to our largest airport? DERP. Washington Examiner

Then I guess I don't feel guilty for wanting to convert the Chinese Food-Subs-Fried Chicken-Fish-Carry-Out establishment across the street into a millinery specializing in top hats. Washington City Paper

Marina Abramovic's performance art is pretty interesting, but in my heart, I think I'll always appreciate Roman Abromovich's taste in yachts more. Hirshhorn

Get ready to elbow college kids in the face! Sweetlife Festival tickets go on sale tomorrow! WeLoveDC 

Actually, they went on sale yesterday. Sweetgreen

Mistakes were made. AFP