What? No you're not!
"Yes I am! I'm ugly!"
No! Don't say that! I think you're beautiful.
"But you're my mom! You HAVE to say that! Everyone else probably thinks I'm disgusting."
First of all, that's not true. And if anyone tells you differently, they can go f*ck themselves because, Blog, I think your new look is gorgeous.
"No! It's dumb! I look like I was designed by the same drunk toddlers who redid the Post."
YOU SHUT YOUR ANTHROPOMORPHIC MOUTH, YOUNG BLOG!
"But it's true! This new logo is childish. I mean, seriously, A stick figure middle finger? Really?"
WHAT?! THAT'S A TWIG! That is a twig that person is holding.
"Why would someone be holding a twig?"
DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME!
"The arm also seems to be coming out of that person's ear..."
I'M WARNING YOU, BLOG...
"Or what? You'll delete me?"
DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN! Blog, I love you! Don't you realize that? I would never delete you. Ever! I thought you'd like this new design. I made the logo up especially for you with my own two hands! (And Mac Paintbrush...) I mean, don't you see the badass font I created? The eagle I cut'n'pasted? The middle finger/twig I drew? Not to mention, the entire redesign of the color palette. It's so much easier on the eyes! The lines are so much cleaner. One day you'll appreciate what I've done for you.
"I miss the muppet."
Blog, we will all miss the muppet. But you're not a baby anymore. You're almost four years old!
"Which is exactly what begs the question of why you deemed a child's refrigerator art a suitable logo..."
That's it, Blog. You're grounded. There will be no more writing on you at least until tomorrow.
Nope. No buts! (Or butts!) Whining will not help. Now, pack up all your pixels and HTML and go to your room. And while you're reading your archives, I want you to remember what's really important here. It's not what's on the outside that matters as much as what's on the inside and that hasn't changed.
"You're right. I think I overreacted. I don't look that bad. Actually, I look kinda cool.
Aww, there's my sweet blog. Now can you give me an e-hug in the form of a painfully awkward, yet hilarious YouTube clip?
"I can't think of anything I'd rather do more. I love you."
I love you too, Blog. I love you too.