oh dear lord god...

First thing this morning, I see this:

DC Ranks First in Lawyers Per Capita

Second thing I see? This:

DC Ranks No. 1 in Twitter Usage

Now I'm left to wonder, why is DC always best at the lamest stuff? More importantly, why am I reading the Avery Index and Men's Health?

The second question is actually quite easy to answer: Twitter. But wait a second...

O god of the e-heavens above, the irony! It's so blatantly exemplified in how I came across these two surveys! This can only me one thing: I am the reason DC is best at the lamest stuff! It's me, @theantidc! And judging from our No. 1 spot in "Twitter Towns, USA," (Jesus, that sounds so dumb) it's also @you and @everyoneelse in this town! We're all Tweet-tards!

But at least I'm not the worst offender; I'm not a @lawyer (or would that be an @lawyer?)...

But hey, being the best at embarrassing things is still better than being the best at nothing at all, right? Right. So, suck our @balls, middling cities with better things to do than tweet and litigate! You guys can keep your healthy human interactions in your pocket. We're doing just fine here and you can quote tweet me on that.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go tweet that I just blogged. But of course, you already know that because that's how @you probably just got here! @@@@hhhh! Mind 'splode.