omfg, they're breakdance fighting!

Maybe it's the cooler, less deadly weather, but I'm loving DC these days. OK, "loving" might be a bit strong. It's more like I'm not as tempted go Exorcist on you all and throw myself down that big ass staircase in Georgetown to escape the evil and ugly slime-spewing monster that is this city. Yeah, that's more fitting.

But my decrescent dislike of DC (and apparent accretionary adoration of alliteration) did not creep up on me without reason. It crept up on me on Sunday in the form of -- ready? -- breakdance fighting! Even the staunchest critic would be a fool not to appreciate that!

And this wasn't just some run-of-the-mill mono-e-mono Zoolander-style breakdance fight either; this was an epic battle.

About a baker's dozen dance crews showed up, including one that featured a kid from my not-so-secret favorite show, So You Think You Can Dance?, and one that boasted a dancer from the movie Step Up 2, a film I'm sad to say that not only have I not seen, but never even heard of. And considering Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo is clearly superior to its prequel, Breakin', I can't help but think I'm missing out on a classic masterpiece by not having seen the sequel to Step Up. For shame, me. For shame.

Setting aside my now apparently poor knowledge of dance-themed movies (I thought I knew them all!), allow me to set the scene. The setting was Sunday afternoon in Adams Morgan at the City Paper-sponsored Crafty Bastards street fair, which unsurprisingly, as most craft fairs do, attracted swarms of dirty hippies. However, I wasn't about to let a bit lot of overgrown armpit hair, the putrid scent of patchouli and a whole lot of unnecessary shirtlessness ruin my time. After all, I had some goddamn BREAKDANCE FIGHTING to watch!

I just kind of wish I got to watch more adults breakdance fight. Trust me when I say more than one pre-teen was in the mix, which is both awe-inspiring and exceptionally messed up at the same time. Let's be honest, it's kind of depressing when the coolest kids around are literally 12-year-old children. Then again, my aging 29-year-old ass wasn't out there doing the worm, so I can't legitimately complain, I suppose.

Of course, if I did bust out with a little bit of worm, I'd have instantly gotten mocked for my wackness, I'm assuming. Yeah, "wackness." I just said that. These kids might be young, but they've progressed well beyond such provincial, elementary moves as the worm. These kids had what I'd describe, in all my glorified wackness, as mega tight skillz. Yeah, I just said that too. These children did it up hardcore, with crazy fast six steps, helicopters, air flares, kick-outs, side slides and freeze after freeze of awesomeness. The tiniest kid, probably an 11 year old, even did a head spin. On concrete, without a hat! Solid move, son. Um, hats off to you! (I couldn't help myself...)

Being a former student of dance as well as a very weak breakdancer, I get seriously amazed by people who breakdance well. That sh*t is not as easy as Hansel and Mugatu's nefarious DJ make it seem. (Note on the link: Whoa.) But one guy, probably in his late teens, stood out from the crowd, amazing everyone not only for his nonstop dance ability, but also for his flair. Meet Aaron, Sunday's sole representative of the Hidden Characters crew.


Every crew he battled had three people on it, meaning he was basically the breakdance version of Chuck Norris, taking out multiple bitches at the same time with his sweet moves. And while the larger crews eventually shut him down, this wunderkind made it to the semi-finals! In skinny jeans, no less! TIGHT! Literally!

Gorilla Fist (not joking about that name, by the way) on the left and his teammate look on in amazement at Aaron's tight-pants style freeze.

Mid-battle wardrobe change! Infinite style scene points!

Although it took the professionals of the Step Up 2 crew, the Resurrectors, to take him out, in my mind and heart Aaron was the winner. As the MC of the event described it, his rounds were like the 300 of b-boy battles. How fitting, really, because tonight I will be dining in hell. And by "hell" I mean DC, which if you recall, I compared to a demon-child in the first paragraph. Full circle!

Eh. That was a bit of a pathetic ending. In place of something more clever (or clever at all), allow me to revise this conclusion and end this steamy poo pile of a post with a video from Sunday's festivities. It's Goofball from SYTYCD? He's kind of totally awesome, n'est-ce pas?


Video lifted from YouTube user "psycokick." I hope he doesn't mind...