Wednesday, December 17, 2008

breaking through e-dimensions

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and sometimes you call an entire city an asshole whilst looking slightly pregnant in a shiny dress, which is really just all in a day's e-work for anyone who authors a blog called The Anti DC. Yet, for some reason, a magazine named after this asshole cornucopia of a city decided to give me another virtual platform on which to complain, or as I prefer to say, to school. Not only that, but they sent a photographer, whose schedule combined with my own, allowed us only to meet yesterday at 4:30 p.m. to capture the concrete shambles that is Van Ness. Oh, and the shambles that is me looking terribly awkward on the street. Thank Kodak moments for talented photographers, though. Contrary to how I actually felt, I do look quite awake in this photo!

And thank Strunk & White (or, as one I-66 once called them, Crunk & Tight) for talented editors. Opposed to my usual offensive, abrasive and quite obnoxious self that I present here each day, I come off as kind of endearing over there. Or at least not crazy. Or drunk. Or both. OK, maybe a little drunk...and a little crazy...and offensive...and abrasive...and quite obnoxious...

But despite the flurry of words I donated to, I'm most proud of that outfit I'm wearing. Not only did I color coordinate my tights with my trusty bicycle, but I dressed for the holidays. Nightmare Before Christmas, anyone?

Dang, even Jack Skellington is less awkward than I am...

But before I allow you to spread your own demented holiday cheer (or whatever type of holiday cheer you prefer) I want to spread a little more of my own. Or at least a bit of my family's. I opened up the first Christmas present of the year yesterday and was more than delighted to find a rape whistle keychain from my aunt and uncle. It will surely be the gift that keeps on giving. Or rather, the gift that keeps others from giving. You come here for the caustic attitude and stay for the rape jokes, right?! Zing!

Happy Holidays!

Oh shoot. One last thing. I just got e-word that a piece I penned for RUSSIA! magazine's "War and Fashion Issue" hit the news stands last week. (Do those still exist?) But for real, my article is currently not available online, at least according to Russian President Dmitry Medvedev:

So if you just can't wait to get my take on Russian first lady fashion from the year 882 AD to present day, then I suggest you head to these mythical news stands I speak of and pick up a hard copy today! Consider that my gift to you. Er, well, my gift to you that you actually bought yourself. Or something. But it's the thought that counts right? Da!

Outfit details: Dress--H&M (procured for $8 in San Francisco); Cardigan--Forever 21; Tights--Filene's Basement; Glovelets--NYC's Union Square street market; Ankle boots--Steve Madden.


Scotus said...

Congrats! And thanks for the shout-out.

(You don't look slightly pregnant. Slighty annoyed at that bicycle, maybe. But not pregnant.)

Shannon said...

Congratulations! And I always thought Jack Skellington was really stylish - and so brave for wearing vertical stripes while already tall and lanky.

Freewheel said...

Very nice! Funny interview, and of course I think it's great that your bike was included in the photo shoot.

Marissa said...


No problem. Anyone who serves up the epic lulz like you do deserves the praise. But the question remains, how many degrees are you away from CHUCK WOOLERY?!?!


Thanks! And you're right -- Jack Skellington is one very brave and stylish ghoul.


Thanks! Yeah, the photo locale was super makeshift. By the time we worked out a time there was roughly a minute of daylight left and I work in Van Ness we improvised. More importantly, I'm glad young Baguette is getting her kudos. She's such a camera whore.

Boomhauer said...

The picture needs more of a statement, like maybe you having a "Bonfire of the Pleated Khakis"

Peter said...

Could you just scan and post the article? I'm very very lazy.

Marissa said...


If I had more time I would've liked to have started a fire in a nearby garbage can and throw a load of pleated khakis in. That would have been a damn fine photo. Unfortunately, time and fire safety rules were not on my side.


I, myself, don't even have a hard copy! Strangely, RUSSIA! magazine isn't kept with the US Weeklies at the front of the grocery...I'll find out about the e-copy...

Melpomene said...

FYI: I will totally be your friend. Or at least your e-friend.

Marissa said...


Ah yes. The bond of ragging on DC is indeed unbreakable. Friends 4 ever. Or at least e-friends.