Monday, December 15, 2008

dreams do come true

Statcounter is truly a beautiful thing, especially the part that tells me where people come from to get here. For instance, most people either just type in the Web address or Google a few pervy terms, but once in a while I'll notice a large contingent of visitors find my little metaphorical crack baby of a blog via someone else's blog or Web site. This is the best news a blogger can get because it usually means something I wrote truly touched someone's heart in profound way. Or at least slapped someone's ass in a harassing manner. And if I had a heart, my touching of their hearts would then touch my own. Instead, the black hole that exists in its place gets slightly warmer. Likewise, my slapping of their asses would, in turn, lead to me slapping my own. Wait. What? Hmm. Maybe we'll just stick to the touching of the heart metaphor. The thing is, nothing touched my black hole of a heart (or ass, old metaphors die hard) so dearly as when I learned this morning that some soul over at "" posted a link to this blog under the title, "Speedos in Unusual Places." I feel special, in the retarded way, so thank you. It's a truly tight way (pun intended, naturally) to start off the week.

But as tight as getting a little linkage on Speedo Fantasy Dot Com, the "Speedo Fantasy Board Messages Hot Gay Male Speedo Free Message Board" (their words, not mine) for having once blogged about old Russian men wearing Speedos at Brighton Beach (which, I would think anyone who posts to Speedo Fantasy Dot Com, would know isn't really an "unusual place" to see a Speedo, but, in fact, quite usual, if not expected), it's still not as tight as the Ghostland Observatory show I saw on Saturday at The 9:30 Club.

I danced so much I feel confident that I could now pull off a Speedo to make my new friends over at Speedo Fantasy Dot Com want to link directly to my spandex-clad ass. Or at least make me want to take to the streets of Boston to run in the annual Santa Speedo Run. Of course, however, while the people of Boston streaked through the streets probably to an actual quad, the crowd in DC on Saturday kept all their clothes on and largely stood still. But much like Speedos on Russian octogenarians in Brighton Beach, a rather dull and douchey crowd is to be expected at the 9:30. Luckily, Ghostland Observatory's show is filled with so many beautiful distractions, that the mannequin-like DC crowd easily faded into the background. Why?

1) Thomas Ross Turner's cape. It takes a real man to pull off this look.

2) Laser light show. Yes, LASER LIGHT SHOW! My retinas loved it. My sh*tty cell phone camera, however, didn't do so well at representing that love, which is why the photo below is from the LA Times and not from my Samsung (which snapped the grainy image above). You're welcome.

3) Aaron Behrens' loins. This guy is nothing short of ridiculously awesome. I don't know how he does it! I mean, how can one vibrate so damn much, but still keep perfect pitch? Answer: His sh*t is tighter than a Speedo!

The algebra of tightness: Spandex + Old Russian man flab <>
*** UPDATE! ***

For legit photos that, indeed, won't quit,
click on over to Brightest Young Things. I'm jealous.


I-66 said...

First of all, your ass is a black hole? Second of all, why didn't you use your Blackberry for the picturing?

Marissa said...

Technically, everyone's ass is a black hole. Think about it.

And I do not have a Blackberry that has a camera built in. Take that one up with my employer.

I-66 said...

Negative. Black holes suck things in and don't let them out. My ass? The opposite.

Besides, I like to think of it as more of a chocolaty brown.

What do you mean it's not TMI Thursday?