Wednesday, May 6, 2009

the dc city council is so gay

Well, at least two of them are bonafide homosexuals. Most of the others, thankfully, are at least good friends of bonafide homosexuals because, according to the Washington Post, "the DC Council overwhelmingly approved a bill yesterday to recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere."

The vote passed 12 to 1. Who's the outlier, you ask? Well none other than everyone's favorite cokehead/tax evader Marion Barry, of course! Hooray! (Seriously, what would we do without him?)

Unfortunately, Barry had some support, says the Post: "After the vote, enraged African American ministers stormed the hallway outside the council chambers and vowed that they will work to oust the members who supported the bill..."

Um. Really? So let me get this straight (uh, pun intended?). First it was the white man trying to keep the black man down. Now the black man is trying to keep the gay man down? Or at least keep him from walking down the aisle?

I don't get it. If any group would be tolerant of others' civil rights, I would think African American ministers would be it. Not only have they fought (and continue to fight) for their own civil rights, but from what I've learned about Jesus, he (or He) was supposedly a pretty nice guy, so when Barry said the following after the vote, I was left understandably confused:

"All hell is going to break lose," Barry said. "We may have a civil war. The black community is just adamant against this."

Hell? Jesus? Maybe I'm stupid, but I never associate those two things -- Jesus and hell -- with each other.

Moreover, I think Barry is going a bit too far by lumping in the entire "black community" with "African American ministers." Now, I'm not black (surprise!) so it's possible I don't know what I'm talking about, but I do happen to know a few black people and I hardly think they'd start a civil war over the topic of gay marriage. In fact, like most people who respect freedom, my black friends subscribe more or less to the philosophy of "do what you like as long as it doesn't infringe upon my rights."

In cases like this, I like to ask What Would Robert Nozick Do?

Or, at least, What Would Any Given Person With The Abilty To Reason Do?

He or she probably wouldn't spend so much effort and mind trying to keep two dudes (or gals) from finding happiness by partaking in a consensual civil union when there are things like murder, rape, poverty and several other legitimate societal ills to cure. I, for one, would much rather attend a lovely dinner party hosted by the McGaysters down the street than get shot in the face. And like I said, I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure most people I know -- white, black, or any shade of gray (or brown, I suppose) -- would agree. Gays are way cooler than guns shooting you in the face.

Unless you're a right-wing Congressman. See, when it comes to the District, the feds have ultimate control. According to the Post, "The council's action puts the matter before Congress, which under the Home Rule Charter has 30 days to review District legislation. The bill could present the House and Senate with their biggest test on the same-sex marriage issue since Congress approved the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996."

And in an ironic twist, it seems the white man is holding the black man up in this case. Actually, I must specify here: A very gay looking white man is holding Barry's black minister friends up. According to the Post:

At least one GOP member said yesterday that he will try to block the bill from becoming law. "Some things are worth fighting for, and this is one of them," said Rep. Jason Chaffetz (Utah), the ranking Republican on a House Oversight and Government Reform subcommittee that oversees the District. "It's not something I can let go softly into the night. . . . I recognize the Democrats are in the majority, but I represent the majority of Americans on this issue."

First off, "softly into the night?" That is gay. Secondly, like I noted above -- GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT (pun still intended?). The District of Columbia has far bigger problems than whether to recognize Bill and Ted's marriage (that would be a radical union, by the way). Did I mention the violent crime rate is the highest in the country? Because it is and something tells me -- I think it's called common sense -- that protesting gay marriage isn't going to do much to bring that statistic down.

So, please, it seems most of this city has its dicks ducks in a row, so why is it always the religious zealots (of any given race) and the extreme right-wing assholes (of any given race) that hold out? I can only think of one answer. They hate freedom and love getting shot in the face.


Anonymous said...

Nice commentary! Barry is an ass clown and the protesting ministers are not asking themselves what Jesus would do. As Dr. Peter Venkman (a.k.a. Bill Murray) says "This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions...Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!"

Marissa said...

Thanks! The hypocrisy of all of this is astounding.

Patty Duke said...

You know, I never like getting slapped in the the face. getting shot seems a lot more painful. I've had a gun pointed at me and that wasn't fun. I think it was the thought of getting shot. But anyway ha's not the point of this comment.

I am part of the black community and Barry does not speak for me. As a matter of fact, he could never speak for me. I wouldn't stand for it.

I could never impead on someone's civil rights, especially when these same civil rights were denied my ancestors a few hundred years ago.

Patty Duke said...


But anyway, that's not the ooint of this comment.

Daniel said...

Great post. Not only is it still funny, but it's also really substantive and rational. DOUBLE WHAMMY.

Patrick B said...

I 2nd that good work again Marissa. Here's my 2cents Fuck city council, they need to get their self sorted out, less guns more murals around town.

Marissa said...

patty-- Sweet! I even have black e-friends! Excellent points, by the way.

daniel-- Thanks. It's so rare that I have a point to anything I say here. Or, really, anything I say ever. A little change is refreshing, I suppose.

patrick-- I would absolutely LOVE to see more murals around town. In this case, CC actually seems to be working correctly...(save for Barry, but that's a given). Now we just have to wait for the federal government to f*ck it up.

Patrick B said...

Well yes, I mean that was a good vote, but the whole point of your post was focus right? Why is there such an upity-up over guys giving guys rings (we all know that everyone including barry is in favor of lesbians (at least the drunk bar kind)) SO... much to do about nothing when there's actually something, the whole getting shot in the face thing. These people are the law making face of our town, I do think they could raise a rukkus about murders as well as murals. I guess the media is to blame here. Wait, drinking whiskey before commenting on blogs, maybe not the best idea.

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

You'll be glad to know Marissa that Dave still hasn't figured out how to turn off anonymous comments yet.

How cool is that?

Chazu said...


Uncool personified.

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Not so I'm afraid.

But thanks for your efforts.