"Wait, aren't you supposed to be on hiatus for a week vacationing in some mystery locale far, far away from DC?"
Oh! Hi! Thanks for asking! And yes, indeed, that was the original plan! But as it turns out, DC is so sweet on me it refuses to let me go! Haha!
The day started swimmingly enough! I had already packed so I was able to enjoy a leisurely breakfast before heading off to Reagan National Airport! I love traveling by air these days because I like carrying tiny amounts of liquids and taking my shoes off for little to no scientific reason! Yay!
And that's when the day really got good!
First, when I tried to print my boarding pass at one of the several kiosks, the technology told me my credit card that I used to pay for the ticket wasn't enough information for it to print my pass! Whoops! So, after imputing several other pieces of information, including ticket number, confirmation number and where I was going, I finally reached the end screen, which turns out is kind of like the end of Donkey Kong! It just stops working! How ingenious!
So, I flagged the attendant over for help and she looked at me, scowled and yelled, "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU! GO TO THE LINE UPSTAIRS!" Yes, ma'am! ROFL!
So then I went upstairs, bruising my legs along the way with my luggage because the escalator wasn't working! And then when I finally reached the glorious mecca that is the Delta counter, I saw it already had a line stretched halfway down the mile-long corridor!
"Stupendous!" I thought to myself. "I love a good line!"
And, oh boy, was this a line! I got hit on by a 15-year-old boy! (He liked my hat.) I got my foot stepped on by an woman wearing stiletto heels! Ouchies! And then I got yelled at again when I asked for help, noting the time! Uh-oh! Thirty minutes till lift-off!
Finally, 15 minutes before my plane was scheduled to leave, the surly woman who apparently is Delta's only employee gave me my boarding pass! Victory! But not first without noting, "You shouldn't have checked in online! It screws up the system sometimes!" My bad!
But wowsers! Technology is really something, isn't it? Hooray!
So I ran to security where I became the lucky one to be asked, "We're going to need you to step aside, miss, while we run some explosives trace tests on your bags."
"But, good sir!" I said, "My plane is supposed to take off in 10 minutes!"
"That's not my problem."
Okee-dokee! And sure enough I guess it wasn't! Silly me, trying to make my flight. LOL!
Then I ran and ran and ran some more! And when I finally made it to the gate, my flight was no longer listed! Uh-oh, Spaghettio!
Lucky me, though! Turns out the flight was never even on the board because the arriving plane never landed! Wah-wah!
So I waited with the other cheery Delta passengers, who came up with some really fine things to say about Delta. "F*cking sh*t for brains airline!" ZOMG!
So we waited and waited and waited some more! Just like in Russia! And then I waited so long that I missed my connecting flight! Zoinks!
And so did everyone else! So, all 100 of us went to the Delta Service Counter and one-by-one we were helped by the solo employee! Boy, was she a firecracker!
Three hours later, I was rescheduled on another flight! But wouldn't you know! The arriving flight for that one also never landed! Double zoinks!
So I rejoined the lovely line with now 300 people in it and waited again to get rescheduled! And joy of joys, when the feisty gal rescheduled my flight some time later, she added a free extra layover! Not only would I get to now go to Boston (and spend the night on my own dime to boot!), but the next day, I would also get to visit Cincinnati and Minneapolis before landing in my final destination 12 hours later! Don't you just love free stuff?!?!
But that just sounded like way to much fun for my old bones to handle! So I decided instead to scrap it all and give DC on more night with me. Lucky!
But my bag must not have gotten the memo! Because it's stuck in Boston! All right!
In closing, F*CK YOU, DELTA. I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL.
And to U.S. Airways? You better not disappoint me tomorrow. Because I will cut you.