Friday, June 5, 2009

oh, you've created a vmonster

If you couldn't guess, the "v" stands for vlog. And the "monster," well, that stands for monster. Duh. Anyway, the bottom, retardulous line is this: You've created a vlogging monster out of me. It's like you gave me a knife and a gun and I made a knife-gun. And then both shot and stabbed myself with it.

Honestly, I truly thought last week's vlogtastical experiment was going to be a one-time thing, but since I got so much feedback that didn't involve the phrase "that was f*cking retarded," I decided to try it again. And on a rare serious note, this whole video thing has served as a much-needed break to rest the remaining molecule I call my brain that is now dedicated to writing a work of (gasp!) fiction. Not to be confused with fictional work.

Besides, vlogging offers a clearly demented person like myself an additional benefit: When I inevitably hit rock bottom (scheduled for sometime next month), I'll have both written and filmed documents of the downward spiral. This should make the diagnosis much easier for when I'm finally forcibly committed.

But mainly, I hope you all just like my hair better this time...

Sadly, that was an actual phone call. A real conversation. And if you're wondering, yes, I too am both bemused and disturbed by how often I seem to talk about David Caruso.

Also, did you notice the toilet paper perched gingerly on the top shelf? That's probably the best part of the video.

But let's not bid our weekend adieus on that note. Instead, let's renew our faith in the capabilities of humanity (instead of its mental insufficiencies), and peruse possibly the most informative article I've ever come across on the Internet forwarded to me by a friend: "Seven Ridiculously Over-the-Top Modifications to Deadly Weapons." Because when I mentioned that knife-gun in the opening paragraph, I wasn't kidding. That sh*t exists.


Ben (The Tiger) said...

I admire the knife-gun much.

But the chainsaw bayonet is inferior to the (banned) original three-sided bayonet which created unsewable three-sided wounds...

Maybe the chainsaw bayonet was a creation of a Doom II fan?

Anyway. Shout-out to the town of Bayonne! Can you imagine a time when the French were getting bad-ass weapons named after them? And contributing phrases about free-market economics to the English lexicon?


You looked rather like Hillary Clinton right at the start of this latest vlog.

Take that as you will.

Ben (The Tiger) said...

(Sorry, the triangular bayonet thing is apparently an urban legend. But they do look cooler.)

Marissa said...

Ouch on the Hillary Clinton tip.

Consider the vmonster dead. Clearly this is a sign that I need to keep to a format where I can edit my image a little better...

Freewheel said...

Awesome... did Norm Coleman drunk dial you? That dude just can't get over losing an election to a comedian.

Scotus said...

But David Caruso IS a douchebag! Even if there was an actual bag of douches sitting next to him, he'd still be the bigger one.

I am sorry you got rid of the crazy, out of control blogger chick hair. I think it worked for you.

Anonymous said...

1.) I got confused and thought you were talking about David Carradine, which resulted in a totally different line of thought than David Caruso.

2.) I am glad this vlog didn't involve any disappointing lunches.

3.) maybe Friday should be vlog day


Peter said...