Tuesday, June 16, 2009

why i love why i hate dc

OK, love is a strong word. It'd be better to say I simply "tolerate" Why I Hate DC. (I only truly love three things: beans, bearskin rugs and David Lynch's daily weather reports.)

As you probably don't remember, not long ago I chastised the site on the site because I'm both incredibly meta and a huge bitch. I also found it quite pointless to do the same thing over there as I do here, namely, write for free. It was like trying to shine two turds instead of one. What's the point?

I probably also mentioned in that post a few other problems that I had with being associated with that site, but like you, I also don't remember. (Blog memory is notoriously short.) I do remember, however, vowing to stay away from that site.

But then I forgot. So I ended up visiting yesterday. But instead of being confronted by ridiculous, imaginary e-spars between a small contingent of idiots, I found something worthwhile. It seems, the site has recently gone through a sort of metamorphosis, including a downsizing of its staff and a restatement of purpose.

The first I really don't care about. Like I said, after I quit, I stopped reading.

The second, though, that's more important.

Not only does this new statement of purpose serve WIHDC well, but it serves me well, since I also aim to point out the pitfalls of this city.

Dave of WIHDC wrote, "I'd like to address the most frequent comment about this site:
'I don't understand that site, if they hate D.C. so much why don't they just move away?'"

Although the most frequent comment about my site is "Are you retarded?" I have also gotten a few commenters who ask why I live here if I hate it so much. What those commenters fail to understand is that, like Dave at WIHDC, I too don't necessarily "hate" Washington, DC. In fact, "hate" isn't even the right word for me to use. I'd say, I'm simply disappointed in this city. (I only truly hate three things in life: locusts who destroy bean crops, non-bearskin rugs and Topper Shutt's weather reports.)

See, aside from the horrid humid weather, most of the aspects about DC that disappoint me are human-controlled. Dave sums it up well: "There's a difference between hating living in Washington, D.C. and hating all of the incompetence and stupidity that makes it difficult to enjoy living here."

Yeah, what he said.

For me, DC has potential. If people would stop for a second while rushing to and fro to some sh*tty office job that makes them feel more important than they are, they'll notice this city is really quite stunning. If people would stop relying on Ann Taylor Loft for all of their work-appropriate outfits, they might notice that there are quite a few decent vintage and thrift shopping options here. If people would stop voting Potbelly Sandwiches the "Best Sandwich in DC," they would notice that there are several superior legitimate deli options around town. Wait, nevermind. But there are a lot of Subways.

The point is, DC's failures have nothing to do with the city, itself. Well, except for it's lack of bike lanes, well-placed mailboxes and L'Enfant Plaza -- that joint is ugly. Although, even thinking about those things, you'll realize those are all the fault of people for not planning and/or designing parts of this city to be either functional or ridiculously good-looking.

So, really, it's up to you and me to make this city livable. And if that means avoiding people and opting instead to watch hours of badminton via the new sports channel your government-subsidized digital converter box now picks up, so be it. (Go Albania!) But maybe for you that means opening a cheap and delicious deli in Columbia Heights. You're the working type, right? Because I'm too busy being FUNemployed and laughing at the word "shuttlecock" for any type of laborious activity.

But even if we all choose to watch hours of badminton and avoid human contact, at least we can rejoice that we don't live in Arlington. Although, at least they have a sense of humor...

By the way, why do so many dudes around here wear brown flip-flops?


Norman said...

I think you misspelt "R U retartid?".

Ben (The Tiger) said...

Where can I buy that gun-comb?

Anonymous said...

I believe the brown flip flop dudes are anti-croc!

cutteing said...

Ha Ha...Amen. I, too, don't necessarily hate this place, but the asshats who run amuck within. That said, bravo post.

I'm not sure about the brown flip-flop thing, but mine happen to be forest green :).

JFo said...

My favorite line is about the Green Line.

It's clear from your posts that if you really hated DC and thought it was completely unbearable, then you would move. The litmus test to show that you might be secretly in like with DC is if you start feeling annoyed when non-DC people complain about the city.

nate said...

True, at least you don't live in Arlington.

On the other hand, the sad disaster that U St. has become is spreading like a plague, so you'll have the experience soon enough.

Marissa said...


May I ask...are you Norman Coleman???!??!?!?!




I hope you know flip-flops, or as my mom calls them, "wedgies," should be reserved for home, the beach or the occasional quick trip to the liquor store. That said, forest green is not a bad shade.


I still delight when out-of-towners knock this place. It vindicates everything I'm doing.


The sad disaster that has become all of DC...or maybe that always was...

Marissa said...


Whoops! I missed your comment. I must respectfully disagree though. The brown flip-flops guys are one and the same as the Crocs people.

Norman said...


Uh, are you hitting on me?

EmilyHaHa said...

They brown flip-flops are standard issue with renting an apartment in Arlington. If you buy a condo, they even throw in a pair of crummy looking cargo shorts!

Marissa said...


It depends. Are you Norm Coleman?!


Ah...it all makes sense now! :)

Anonymous said...

self-important, type A, DC snobs make this place a hard place to live. been here for a year and i'm considering going the way of Remy. to the ghettos of Arlington I go!

Marissa said...


If you do move, we should totally meet up at the Starbucks or the Starbucks or the Starbucks or the Starbucks or the Starbucks or the Starbucks or the Starbucts or the Starbucks. Your choice.

Anonymous said...

Beware of Sergeant Andre Suber in Columbia Heights, Cruiser 1612.. He's a sexist, homo-phobe, racist!