That is, I don't really want to see him everywhere I go. And not because I hate him. Because I don't. President Obama seems like a fine, likeable guy with a likeable family and a likeable dog. The thing is, I'd rather he remain in the White House doing his job (which is not a normal nine-to-five government job), than be out gallivanting around DC eating half-smokes and getting stuck in traffic.
Is that wrong?
I mean, a dinner or two is fine, I suppose. Although if you live in the dang White House, why not just order in? You have a cook. I'm sure your friends would not decline an invite. In fact, if I had the choice to meet President Obama at Five Guys or have Five Guys delivered to us in the White House, well, the choice is easy -- serve me.
Speaking of serving, even if I'm not one of the lucky few to garner an invite to the President's home, I would rather never meet him at all and know that he's in the Oval Office solving some international crisis than shake his hand at the ballpark. Especially if he's going to go to the ballpark looking like this:
He looks like he's smuggling a half-dozen pairs of Depends in those.
But anydumpinthepresidentspants, the reason I bring this up is because of an article I spotted yesterday in the Washington Post. It chronicles the President's semi-frequent jaunts about town to enjoy the "local culture," which, according to the evidence presented in the article, seems to begin and end with artery-clogging foods. Murdering people and further corrupting the local government -- two activities that I've always considered prime examples of Washington DC's "local culture" -- were conspicuously absent.
Now, maybe I'm an idiot (keyword: maybe), but why is any of this important? Does anyone truly think the President grabbing a hotdog will improve the city in any tangible way? All he's really doing is mucking up traffic, making the lines at Ben's Chili Bowl longer and providing easy blog fodder for me. And as I demonstrate here almost every single weekday, none of those things are good for the city. Especially that last one...
Not to mention, every minute Obama spends weaving in and out of DC's retarded traffic patterns (Did you know the only street to have timed traffic lights is 15th?) is one less minute he's spending making sure he earns his $400,000 worth per year.
And since I've discovered that it's apparently street legal to earn $2.37 per hour in DC, this means I should be able to expect the President of the United States to work about 168,776.4 hours per year. Or 3,245.7 hours per week. Or 463.7 hours per day.
Yep, that seems reasonable.
There'll be time to "live life" and "spend time with your wife" and "pay attention to your kids" later. Better yet, employ them. Two birds, one stone, right? Michelle can make sure you leave the house in pants not made for a middle-aged woman and the kids can solve the economic crisis. Make them earn their allowance.