Monday, August 24, 2009


I used to taut Columbia Heights as the greatest neighborhood in DC. Actually, wait. No. I never said that. And not because there's some other magical neighborhood in DC because, really, they're all on the same level of sucking, just for different reasons.

Columbia Heights, though, wasn't supposed to suck when it comes to shopping for basic clothing goods, such as undergarments. I mean, we have a Target and a Marshalls. If between those, you can't purchase your basic cotton drawers, well, Houston, we have a problem. Or more appropriate, I suppose, Ass Cheeks, we have a problem. This has happened to me before.

Which is why I probably shouldn't have been surprised yesterday when the need for a decent sports bras came up and I couldn't find one. Instead, I found myself at the gym holding my rather meager chestical region and crying. Even the bitsiest breasticles can suffer under high impact cardio.

That's right, for the next two weeks I traded my usual sweat-drenched outdoor cycling regimen for the air-conditioned surroundings of the Washington Sports Club. There's nothing like paying to suffer in a temperature-controlled environment while watching CNN "Town Hall Raw." Because apparently the health care bill is as hardcore as a WWE wrestling match.

But really, where can a girl find a decent sports brassiere in Columbia Heights besides on the Internet? I darest say this is an impossible mission. Unless I get this random super-pissed citizen on my side. This is RAW!

By the way, is it too much to ask that amid the Target, Marshals and Ruby Tuesdays that Columbia Heights also get a movie theater? After all, every suburb has one...


LiLu said...

We don't have a movie theater??

Crap. I'm moving out.

Anonymous said...

You should try the 6:30 AM Boot Camp!

Patty Duke said...

"Even the bitsiest breasticles can suffer under high impact cardio."

Ahh! testicles. Oh wait a minute it's "breasticles". My bad.

Marissa said...


We have nothing that one actually moves to the city for.


6:30 am and boot camp do not make for my type of activity.

patty duke--

I just love that word.

Norman said...

Dear Marissa,

If duct tape can't fix it, nothin' can.


Ben (The Tiger in Exile) said...

Those town hall meetings are awesome.

I love this country.

Ben (The Tiger in Exile) said...

Though I quarrel somewhat with his syntax.

It isn't "one day God is going to stand before you", it should more be "one day you are going to stand before God".

Aside from that little quibble, he's awesome.