Thursday, August 13, 2009

i am capable of wrong, too...i think...

Just as I've been growing increasingly ambivalent toward the inexhaustible goblet that is DC, I've also lost my will to dress myself creatively.


Seriously, this ensemble, which I wore yesterday, is objectively pretty boring, especially compared to such glorious get-ups as this, thisthisthis, thisthisthis, thisthis and, of course, um, this. Weirdly, though, a strange thing happened yesterday. While my objectively awesome outfits of yore rarely garnered an iota of positive feedback, the yawn-worthy dirty laundry that I threw on haphazardly yesterday made me feel like I was ready to attend fashion week. 

Inexplicably, people loved my shoes, my shorts, my shirt, my bra straps! Well, maybe not that last one, but you get the idea. I must admit though, I'm not sure if I should be flattered. I mean, it's laughably boring and, for Bali's sake, my bra strap's were showing! After returning home from my quest to procure a $5 $6 footlong I looked in the mirror and just started laughing at myself. DC was totally f*cking with me!

Not only is this get-up boring, but the shirt makes me look like a pear, the shorts truncate my legs and the coordination is horrible -- I failed to fully incorporate the color palette of gray-brown-black with appropriate accessories. A black scarf would be perfect, but in heat like this I'd step outside and probably tie it in a noose. In short, I looked a bit of a hot mess, which may explain why the woman who most fervently admired my ensemble was wearing flip-flops, sweatpants and looked entirely too much like Grimace. It doesn't take much to impress Grimace.


But Ronald-McDonaldland evil-milkshake-stealer-turned-lovable-anthropomorphic-sidekick or not, at least this woman appreciated my non-efforts. 

However, not everyone felt the same way. One woman went out of her way to tell me so. But to my surprise, instead of focusing on the menagerie of things I described above, this woman insulted my shoes, which are, in my opinion, the only aspect of this faulty ensemble that actually works. 

Alas, I guess one woman's sandal-booties, are another woman's Crocs...

Misplaced shoe scurrility aside though, the fact that so many other people (and by that I mean four, including Grimace) really liked my lackluster outfit, made me wonder, "What the hell?"
 
Honestly, I'm not quite sure what this all says about DC. Am I that stellar of a dresser that I can grab whatever's closest to me at the time and still out-style the common DC woman? Although wait...hold on...what's that on my leg? 


In the course of my grainy pseudo-photog skills I had forgotten about the second-degree leg burn I incurred the other day while defending my visage. My helper horse Sven threw a flaming bag of his own poo at me after a heated (literally) argument over the electricity bill. Thankfully, my roundhouse kicking skills are top-notch and I was able to protect my face from the flaming doo-doo. My poor leg, however...ouch. 

And while the picture doesn't really do justice to the giant red, bubbly charred swatches of epidermis on my calf right now, I'm pretty sure I now understand why almost everyone was so complimentary. They were just trying to make a burn victim feel better.

Thank you, Grimace, but a milkshake would've been better...

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, never mind the burn, your legs look hairy! Guess who.

Anonymous said...

Any chance Mayor McCheese was one of the other three people that appreciated your style? I've always found him to be an impeccable dresser.

http://ryanpez86.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/mayor-mccheese1.jpg

-Anonymous brian

Patty Duke said...

I would have also complimented your shoes. Although I wouldn't call your top and shorts a hot mess, i don't think I would have went out my way to compliment you on them. Acually I noticed your hair in the picture more than anything else. Did you wash and comb it?

Marissa said...

anon--

John Titor?

anonymous brian--

WOW. I would die of happiness if Mayor McCheese ever complimented me. I mean, the man-burger wears a top hat and a pince-nez! How very Mr. Peanut of him! And God knows, I love Mr. Peanut...

patty--

I did wash it. However, I did not comb it. Let's not go crazy here...

LiLu said...

I was all set to leave a real comment and then someone said MAYOR MCCHEESE. That's basically like dangling something shiny. Off to youtube that clip now...

Anonymous said...

Marissa - Mayor McCheese is within us all. I mean, just wait 'til Halloween and expect a bunch of Mayor McCheseeses. Seriously, he's a real hero to many/all of us.

LiLu - Sorry to distract, but Mayor McCheese is one of the most important mayors in America. I hope youtube has confirmed that

--Anonymous brian

Anonymous said...

Dear Marissa,
Don't listen to that other guy. I think your legs are quite fine. Since my schematics got out on the internet there have been a lot of imposters. I can't wait to take you to 2036 with my captured IBM. We can have dinner together in a nice village I know (It's a post-apocalyptic one but it's all I can afford).
-John T

Ben (The Tiger in DC) said...

"I drink your milkshake!"

Marissa said...

lilu--

I can't blame you for getting distracted. I, too, now have a one-track mind and that track is Mayor McCheese.

anon brian--

You have no idea the amount of good you just did.

john t--

I am honored that you read my blog.

ben--

HAHAHAHAHA! Grimace needs a ridiculously large mustache.

L said...

I say this in all kindness. Your outfit is hideous.

I live in DC. Which is also hideous.

Ben (The Tiger in DC) said...

The outfit is hot. As was your leg.

Marissa said...

l--

I must say the honesty is refreshing. While I don't consider it "hideous" in the sense that sweatpants and Crocs are hideous, I do believe I am capable of much better. I wasn't joking when I said I grabbed some dirty laundry and put it on. I really was running late for my Subway date. The shoes saved it, sorta, in my opinion. But, yes, it is not good.

ben--

The shoes are hot, indeed. The outfit, though, was not. My leg, on the other hand, was smoking!