Sad, terrifying, yet not really that surprising news broke yesterday when I saw DCist editor Aaron Morrissey tweet:
As it turns out, @amorrissey was right. There was a shooting, which was followed by a related massive car accident on U St., NW, where one person died. And as if that weren't enough to offend those of us who prefer common decency to senseless violence and idiocy, this whole thing happened during a funeral procession and, apparently, because of the funeral procession. Indeed, just when we thought the transient dipsters who make up 47 percent of this city had tight-pantsed all the gang violence out of NW, the "1-7 crew" and its enemies decided to let everyone know they hadn't.
The man who died (or am I now old enough to call him a kid?) was 21-year-old Jamal Coates, who, according to Ward 1 YouTube darling and community organizer Bryan Weaver, was just about to turn his life around. That is, Mr. Coates was in the process of leaving his thug life behind and finding a less violent path. And while it's easy to lionize the deceased, in this case it seems at least kind of true. Weaver says Coates recently worked to get his GED, took on some internships with DC's Parks and Recreation (now that's selfless) and even went to Guatemala to teach kids how to play basketball.
But not anymore. Now he's dead and the life of another kid, 21-year-old Brandon Miller, is completely ruined, as he's just been arrested and charged with the first degree murder of Coates.
I'm not even sure where to go with this. This is supposed to be a humor blog, but the only thing funny about this is that the story broke on Twitter, the same place where I learned cats look like croissants.
HAHAHAHAHA! OMG! Cats really DO look like croissants! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
What were we talking about again?
Oh yeah, someone died in a fire. Wait, what? Someone else died a horribly violent death yesterday?!? Yes, and just one Metro stop and a few blocks away from the shooting incident.
Great. Now, this blog is really in a proverbial pickle. Two horrible incidents in less than 24 hours and only one video about cats looking like croissants? What the f*ck do we do now?! HELP ME OUT, TWITTER!
NOT HELPING, INTERNET! Which means, I think I have to turn to what I fear most to feel better. Going outside. Here's to hoping everyone has a bullet-free, fire-free, and chemical-burn free rest of the day; may we all see cats looking like croissants instead.