rough ruff

Remember last Thursday (that's 80 years ago in blog years, I know, but try to remember), when I accused drivers in DC of being killers because of their dickish tendencies? I said something like, because they routinely cut off emergency vehicles in intersections, they value their commuting time more than basic human life.

Well, indeed, after seeing this occur two more times this weekend, I am still frustrated by that. I think it's self-centered and truly demonstrative of what's really wrong with America today (besides the fact that Glenn Beck has become a badly dressed spiritual leader). Our society just doesn't seem to think about the proverbial big picture anymore.

I mean, it's fine to be a jerk, don't get this jerk wrong, but it's not fine to allow your jerkiness to infringe on someone else's basic right to breath. That, e-friends, is the non-negotiable line. That line is where all subjectivity ends. And specifically, from the viewpoint of a humor writer, that line, when crossed, is when being a jerk isn't funny anymore. Let's face it: It's one thing to Shambles P.I. a bitch. It's quite another to kill one.

Which is why when the police shot and killed a bitch in Adams Morgan yesterday, no one was laughing. Parrot was a cute dog and I hope she's he's (so, I guess he's not a bitch, after all...) been able to accompany all dogs and go to heaven. Seriously, I think I speak for everyone when I ask, "WTF?!"

Not only does this screw up my entire Thursday assumption that police and other emergency vehicles are rushing to scenes to save lives instead of end them, but this also makes me question my other assumption that drivers in DC are just a bunch of dicks. Why weren't these assholes blocking the intersection yesterday?? I mean, really, WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON?! And please, don't take this the wrong way, but, um, WHERE'S A DICK WHEN YOU NEED ONE?!

Unfortunately, according to news sources (remember, you heard it here last), there are no answers -- not to my questions and not to any of your probably more reasonable questions like, "How did this transpire?" The police are saying one thing (the dog attacked), the owner is saying another (the dog was subdued) and witnesses don't seem to know what the hell happened. For that reason, it's nearly impossible to say who was right and who was wrong in this situation, although I'm leaning toward the owner being right because, well, let's face it, DC cops have basically begged me to question their authority over the years.

The only fact that remains is that someone's dog was put down via a firearm on one of the busiest streets in DC during one of the most popular city activities of the year. It's really amazing that more kids don't grow up with PTSD around here...

And while I vow to keep my eye (maybe even both eyes) on this story as others do all the legwork reporting it, I wish now to turn to brighter news -- and I certainly do mean that literally. After having to endure The Anti DC's creative director, Terry the Tourette's Turtle, yap on for countless hours about the Redskins' new golden pants, I finally got to see them in all their technicolor glory. Here they are standing around with the other team...what was their name again?

Oh yeah, now I remember -- they're called the Dallas Losers.

And that's just about as in-depth as this blog will ever get when it comes to analyzing any footgame matches. We won from what I can only assume can be attributed to the burning of the Dallas Losers' retinas. May our sun-shiny butts continue to emit such blinding light!