Wednesday, October 6, 2010

who am i?

I'm not sure when the hell this happened or why or even who I am anymore, but I've become somewhat of a footgame fan. And specifically, a fan of the village squad, the Redskins. Sure, the electric gold pants probably have something to do with it, but the real reason I think I've been roped in is Brandon Banks. I'm his No. 1 fan. "But how?" I ask. "He barely even plays!" I say. "I don't know." And then I talk to myself more. Finally, I settle on the answer that he must just have some sort of X factor that intrigues me.

Perhaps, it's because he's about four inches shorter than me, yet still goes toe-to-toe with dudes who are built like Shrek.

Of course, size doesn't matter (that's not what she said) when you can run like Brandon Banks who runs like my other favorite athlete, Usain Bolt. This is probably why I'm such a Banks fan. I mean, they've got the running fast connection; they've got the gold accents in their respective outfits connection. Really, besides the height and, well, the gazillion other characteristics that define a person's personality, Bolt and Banks are pretty much the same person. Indeed, when it comes to athletics, they both have the stuff of champions.

Banks just hasn't had the chance to show the rest of the world besides me yet.

But it's not his fault! He needs more support from his coach and team, who both don't seem to understand his greatness like I do. He's the underdog for now, but I predict that'll change. And considering my great wealth of sporting games knowledge, particularly when it comes to foot game, I'm sure my predictions will come true. See, I'm well-versed in all the main strategeries, such as pointing out when someone's littler than the other players, noticing when people run fast, and most importantly, commenting on the the uniforms. It's all very nuanced, and so I hope all you season-ticket holders and "rules" understanders can keep up. Brandon Banks is the sh*t. Period.

And speaking of periods (and non-sequitors)...ew!

And speaking of fishiness (double ew!), I saw the documentary Catfish last night. Go see it. It's a mind-blower. That is all.


Canada Drugs said...

This is the most famous cartoon in this world. I like it.

Freewheel said...

Nice graphic. I'll take your word on Banks, but I'm more impressed with Cooley. Actually, I've never been a Redskins fan (I'm an Eagles fan by birth), but I find it impossible not to root for McNabb.

FoggyDew said...

How is it that you, hater of all things D.C.ish, can express even a passing fancy of an institution that is quintessentially D.C.? It boggles the mind. Hope you're ready for disappointment, cause 'Skins fans have to be ready for losing. A lot of losing.

Freewheel said...

@FoggyDew: The Skins are "quintessentially D.C." because they claim they're from D.C. but actually reside in the suburbs.

Patty Duke said...

The are "quintessentially D.C.", being that they played at RFK Stadium for over 40 years.

Freewheel said...

@PattyDuke: I only disagree w/ your verb tense. They *were* "quintessentially D.C." when they played at RFK and Washingtonians could walk to the games. Now they *are* a quintessial corporate suburban entity that bilks its customers.

Marissa said...

Unfortunately, I cannot comment on footgame related matters unless it has to do with Mr. Banks. I thank you for all your comments though!