Thursday, August 21, 2008

michael phelps is ok...

But Usain Bolt is ridiculously awesome. After all, Phelps had to try to win his gold medals; Bolt simply had to show up. Seriously, this man is a superman. And a super jackass! I mean, how infuriating must it be to the other athletes to not only be beat by the magic that is Bolt, but to be beat by someone who's so good that he doesn't even need to try. I mean, look at him! He looks like he could be lightly jogging through Rock Creek Park.


Hell, he looks like he could be window-shopping...


...FOR WORLD RECORDS!


And I assure you, that is not sweat glistening on Bolt's face. He runs so fast sweat doesn't even have a chance to formulate. Instead, I'm guessing that's probably a new flavor of Vitamin Water (Betacarotene Bolt?) that he splashed on his face in what will end up becoming a multi-million-dollar beverage endorsement. Honestly, who wouldn't want this man to advertise their products? Puma knows what's good.


I sure as hell know what's good.


And Bolt definitely knows what's good -- himself!


Damn, Bolt's sh*t is tight. And in opposite news, apparently, the douchey American teevee "powers" that be (at Lifetime *chuckle*) have settled on quite a suitable (read: retarded) name for that awesome (read: tool-filled) new "reality" show to be based in Georgetown (read: Georgetown) -- Blonde Charity Mafia. Yeah, I might have made up Betacarotene Bolt Vitamin Water, but I did not make up Blonde Charity Mafia (give me some credit...). Welcome to hell!

7 comments:

BAD said...

His muscle tissue looks really dense!

Greg Szeto said...

"Blonde Charity Mafia"

jesus god. i don't even believe in a religion and i feel like that is proof of the devil.

Marissa said...

bad--

Ba-dum-ching!

greg--

There's a reason they filmed The Exorcist in Georgetown.

Omlyeh said...

I know this isn't a Shambles PI post but I just wanted to mention the most horrific thing I saw today on the metro--a woman wearing fishnets and crocs--presumably to work, as she seemed to be wearing some sort of uniform.

maryjanejeff said...

Speaking of the Exorcist Stairs, running up them 12 times, with a 2 block by 2 block by 2 block cooldown and build up jog in between each trip, will kick anyone's ass but will get you fit in a hurry. I know. I checked today.

Bolt is beyond fast. I was at a womens marathon watching party / get together, and I told everyone how jaw dropping the 100 meter race was (didn't say why). I'm still amazed that he pulled up for the last 10 meters and still broke a world record. it was mostly runners at this party and yeah they were impressed.

And Olympic Committee Presidouche Jacque Rogge is a real douche, blasting Bolt. FU rogge, if he wins a gold medal and breaks the world record while showboating, he can freaking showboat. This dud on Yahoo sports ripped rogge to shreds: http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/track_field/news?slug=dw-rogge082108&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

Rogge would fit in well on that Georgetown show. And don't worry peeps, as soon as I was done running I booked it back across the river. In fact, I can't decide whether or not to turn my blog into a running one or call it Across The River.

Marissa said...

omlyeh--

Oh. My. God. I'm pretty sure that was in my nightmares last night. She came at me some homemade weaponry made of sharpened government nametags...

mjj--

I would only run those stairs if I had the Rocky theme song blasting from a huge boombox, which I would carry on my shoulder. Of course, my weak organism would pass out and die after that. Eh.

And nice article -- Rogge is a douche.

Also, you should blog about your running/jogging routes! I don't think a lot of people know DC can be a very outdoorsy workout city.

maryjanejeff said...

Funny you mention the Rocky theme song, I have The Rocky Story disc on my MP3 player! Listened to Hearts on Fire while running back across the Key Bridge actually.

A lot of my recent blog postings on http://maryjanejeff.blogspot.com have been about my running tours. I totally agree that the outdoorsy scene here is very under the radar. I hear great things about things to do down near Richmond and the James River too. My run tonight was basically my August 3 post minus and travels to the boathouse. I've got a new route that I want to share with people.

I like running different random routes because it lets me see things in the city and NOVA that I may not otherwise. Sorry MD but it takes too long to get there via Metro just to run.