First of all, I'm not sure the airport and Metro count as "fun and interesting places we've discovered" on anyone's list. The airport will obviously go without further comment, but the Metro? This isn't Moscow, where the Metro stations are filled with world-class Commie art. This is DC. If you're lucky you'll find an artfully stuck-on piece of wadded up gum plastered to the wall. Although, who the hell knows, maybe it's a Jeff Koons...
More importantly, however, can we take a still shot of the two ladies, Terri and Bonnie, who are telling us about all these insider secrets?
Oh dear me. I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll first refute the false assumption that when you become a "woman of a certain age" you have to start dressing like one of Hollis Green's more risqué wives. I would seriously punch my mom in the face if she dressed like this. In fact, from my mom's mouth to this blog, when I emailed her this screen capture asking for her very discerning and sophisticated opinion, she said, "what's wrong with them??? they look like tourists who are dressing for comfort." Uh...
Well, that didn't go as planned. (Remind me to make an appointment for my mom with an optometrist.) Or maybe it did. Perhaps, just like daughter, she was relying on dry sarcasm to get her point across and what she really means here is "What were those women thinking?! Lose the black nylon socks, lose the brown/black combo and for the love of handbags everywhere, lose the goddamn fanny-pack! It all an abomination." OK, that's more like it.
But returning to the content, WTF? Half of this video is about Alexandria, VA. While I understand that there's some sh*t to see there, especially at night if you're into douchebag-watching (and who isn't?), is it too much to ask that a video about DC actually be about DC?
Of course, what should we even expect from Delta Airlines? This is the same airline that apparently hated America up until a couple of days ago...
Moving on, here's the most-viewed video to pop up when typing "Washington DC" into Youtube's search engine.
Did you catch it? Apparently, we have an astounding amount of "patrionism" here in DC on account of all the, uh, patrionic symbols, I guess. And as if hearing the narrator totally make up a word wasn't bad enough, she took the time to also let us see it by misspelling it in the subtitles.
D'oh...
Last and least -- literally, as it has the least views out of the Top 3 most-viewed DC tourism videos on Youtube ("Patrionism" is No. 1 and Delta's Fannypack Party is No. 2) -- is one by the InterContinental Willard Hotel. However, despite its bronze-place finish in popularity, this video is actually the best, in my opinion. Of course, when we're working within a sea of outrageously horrible choices, I suppose that superlative really doesn't mean much. Really, let's be honest -- it's the least worst.
And maybe the Willard recognizes this, too, because for whatever reason they've disabled embedding. Now, if you really hate yourself and want to watch it, click here, although I assure you despite that the Willard narrator looks like a legitimately jolly guy with whom to enjoy one of the hotel bar's objectively exceptional mint juleps (on second thought, the video would have been a real winner had they just shot five minutes of delicious mint julep close-ups), like the others, this video only occasionally ventures into territory that anyone with the intelligence of a mentally impaired pigeon couldn't figure out on his or her own. (What?! Go to the Smithsonian? What a novel idea!) It's also really outdated, as it talks about cabs working on the old zone system when in fact we're now on the regular fare system. Although beware, the more dishonest cabbies still try to find ways to rip you off. Or they'll try to have sex with you.
And so, damn...
I guess the only remedy to this sad state of e-ffairs is to embark on a new project -- The Anti DC Promotional Tourism Video or, more likely, Videos. If you have any ideas about what I should include (don't worry, the lovely graffiti on the side of the Logan Circle hardware store that reads "Cat Aids" will definitely be included), email me...
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