Tuesday, June 14, 2011

it really is a dream

I woke up feeling great today because I have a new understanding of our reality thanks to quantum mechanics. For those of you not as nerdy as me, quantum theory suggests that reality only exists the way we see it because we can see it. It says, theoretically, once you get down to the n[minus-one]itty-gritty, sh*t basically disappears. Hmm.

And so really, our world is an illusion and everything is nothing. While ordinarily, this thought would be somewhat horrifying because it gives meme-y questions like, "THEN WHO WAS PHONE?" scientific gravitas, this thought becomes extraordinarily comforting after having subjected myself to the CNN-led Republican debates last night.

While it may have appeared like the debaters were saying a lot, the more you thought about it -- that is, the more you delved in deeper -- the less substance you realized was actually said. I mean, how else can you explain that Tammy Faye Baker Michelle Bachmann apparently won? For the sake of our remaining brain cells, sh*t better have been an illusion...

But enough about all those perceived holograms, can we instead look at the equally ridiculous illusory reality that is DC souvenir T-shirts? Why are they pretty much the equivalent of Rep. Bachmann's crusty fake eyelashes? In both cases, less would be much, much more. I mean, look at this:

Photo courtesy of Flickr user londondan
These shirts look like the bottom of Rainbow Brite's toilet bowl after a hard night out. And they look even worse on. I really don't get why tourists buy this crap. I mean, I know for a fact you can tie-dye clothing in garrish colors anywhere in the world -- you don't need to purchase it in DC. Any child who's ever gone to summer camp knows that. *sigh* But again, all hope is not lost because if we divide these sartorial obscenities into small enough pieces, they'll disappear. Ahh, to be a quark...

And speaking of disappearing, it's Planck time for me to venture out of doors, so allow me to end this post with yet one more item that will make you thankful our perceived reality is only an illusion -- a new episode of The Anti DC Show! The still capture from the video should serve as an apt warning to you about the substance (or not-even-theoretically this time, lack thereof) of its contents. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some additional nerding to do.

7 comments:

Vivian said...

I love that your cat doesn't attack you when you roll him back and forth on the basketball. GOOD CAT, GOOD!

cyrano de bergerac said...

Hmm. Yummy thighs.

Marissa said...

Vivian,

He's learned resistance is futile :)

cdb,

I'll pass your message along to my cat. He'll be very pleased to know you've taken a liking to his haunches.

cyrano de bergerac said...

Denial will get you nowhere.

Unless you have a paddle and plan to travel with the current.

Nicole said...

Yay! The Anti DC Show is my favorite!

This is my first time seeing basketball players with their mouth guards hanging out. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I imagine little spit trails probably fall out the sides onto the floor.

I love the way your cat appears to have just given up and is like "Eh, you want to put me on ball, I be on ball. I no fight." Not sure why I imagine your cat talks like that.

somematt said...

Nice episode. I knew it was going to be good from the opening Always Sunny... homage. You're awesome.

Marissa said...

Nicole --

Ha! That's how I imagine my cat would talk, as well.

Matt--

Thanks. I love Always Sunny and there's not better way to begin a program.