Without exaggeration, the old man driving sped by so close to me that my arm hairs reacted to the proximity, dropping their proverbial pants on the ground (i.e. my sweaty arm) in absolute terror. Luckily, I was able to catch up to these assholes at a red light and, to my delight, I found their window open.
"You know, you're supposed to give cyclists three feet," I said. "You almost rammed me off the road there. And also, I think the speed limit is about 30 downtown, here. Not 50."
As you can see, I was quite civil, polite even. Although, in the end, it wouldn't matter as these people clearly didn't speak English. But still: It's the principle. People make mistakes, especially old, stupid people with really thick glasses on while they're driving. Yet rather than revert to my go-to standby, Thine Ye Olde Bird Flip, I approached these dicks in a non-dick demeanor because I, e-friends,
And maybe they'll still do that, however, not out of spite, but simply because my lesson fell on deaf ears (perhaps literally, as I'd say I was dealing with octogenarians here). But whatever. Like I said, it's the principle. However, if I see this van again and it assaults my arm hairs (or actual limbs) in such a way once more, I may have to ready my digitus medius, and if that fails, go to a method that solves most things in life -- violence.
Really old people are like kids; they're more fun to feel weird inappropriately swearing in front of than beating. In fact, I'm not really into beating anyone at all, unless we're talking about intellectual matters, foot races or eggs. Just like ramming cyclists off the road (due to negligence, spite, or just being a dick), violence is wrong. That is, unless it's accompanied by funny music!