Thursday, May 6, 2010

a million more reasons to hate dc

Ask any of the race horses who've ever ran in Charles Town Races & Slots and they will not tell you (because all they can do is run and eat hay) that I love gambling. And trust me when I say I nearly (read: totally) soiled myself when I first heard that CTR&S is going to become Charles Town Races & Slots & Tables this summer. Because the only thing I love more than betting on animals who must endure tiny, little men in funny pants hovering menacingly over their spines is betting on an arbitrary roll of the dice. Wait. I'm wrong. There's still one thing I love more than both animal cruelty and throwing my money away -- the DC Lottery.

Now, I'm not 100 percent against the idea of a lottery. Hell, games are fun. But the marketing of the lottery as even a semi-reliable means to actually make money is pretty f*cking immoral. I bring this up because I saw a TV spot for a new scratch-off game called "District of Columbia Black," which by the way costs $20 per ticket. And while I think you have to be a legitimate idiot to pay $20 for a lottery ticket, I think it's even more idiotic for the lottery to use the catch phrase "Lots of people win!" to market it. Because no. No they don't. Lots of people don't win. Lots of people lose and very few people win.

However, there are lots of other ways to not win in DC (besides just living here) that are just as sure bets. For instance, getting drunk on national TV with a house full of tools.

If you sign a waiver to be on reality TV while you're drunk, does it count? That's what it might come down to for a Bethesda woman suing producers of MTV's "The Real World: D.C." for $5 million for her mortifying cameo on the show. In an invasion-of-privacy, false-light suit in D.C. Superior Court, Golzar Amirmotazedi, 22, claims stars Andrew Woods and Josh Colon fed her numerous mixed drinks at a downtown bar before taking her back to the Real World house, where she was portrayed as a leech trying to lure Woods away from his new girlfriend. ("Hot mess" and "Debbie Downer" were the phrases tossed around on air.) Since then, she claims, she has lost her job and suffered depression. A rep for Bunim/Murray Productions called the case "totally without merit.

And a rep from The Anti DC says, you lose. We all lose. Golzar for obvious reasons, The Real World for being The Real World, and the rest of us for continuing to have to think about this drivel.

Luckily, since we're not Golzar or TRW, we only have to think about it for a minute before we can forget about it forever. And read about something less retarded, but just as pathetic.

Metro officials said Wednesday that they have fired the bus driver who hit a pedestrian in Southeast D.C. in April, the Washington Examiner reports. About 8:45 p.m. on April 13, the driver of a W2 Route Metrobus was turning right from Irving Street onto Alabama Avenue when the driver "made contact" with the male pedestrian, Metro officials said. Metro did not identify the driver, who was put on paid administrative leave during the investigation. A Metro spokesperson said the driver did not follow proper procedures.

Two concerns: 1) You hit, excuse me, "made contact" with a pedestrian because you failed to follow "proper procedures" and all you get is fired? 2) And, during the investigation, YOU GET PAID?! When they find out it's your fault do you have to pay the city back? Or do you just get to keep that money (our money) and spend it on District of Columbia Black cards? GOOD LUCK! "LOTS OF PEOPLE WIN!" Except everybody.

Wait. Hold on. This just in. Child molesters everywhere win because of The Scadusher.

Yay, life.


Jeff said...

Someday that kid will grow up and be just like this guy (around 1:10 for the high tech dance moves)

Marissa said...

WOW. If he's lucky.