I suppose I'll go ahead and eloquently ask the important question: Is this news totally buns (bad like a burger with no meat) or freshly dipped (like a Dairy Queen ice-cream cone)? I also suppose I'll give the eloquent answer I give most important questions I ask: I don't know. However, like always, I won't let a little thing like a near-total lack of knowledge stop me from trying to answer this question using The Anti DC's patented totally indecisive and inconclusive methods. So, here goes...
On the one metaphorical hand, streetcars are f*cking awesome. When my roommate and I used to live in Moscow, we rode one daily. We called it Fudge for reasons beyond my recollection right now, but I assure you, I remember riding it and loving its rickety, old ass. (I'm still just talking about the streetcar, by the way...)
And so, when I first heard DC was getting its very own Fudge, I got a little excited.
That is, until one day I found myself trying to bike down the proposed line on H Street and nearly killed myself due to its seemingly haphazard construction. There are Fudge tracks in the middle of the road, Fudge tracks on the sides of the road, Fudge tracks laying willy-nilly all over the place like Eastern European refugees...
And speaking of Eastern European refugees, when I found out the streetcars were Fudge's actual cousins from Eastern Europe, I really began to wonder. While I'm all for Eastern Europeans immigrating to the United States (hell, I wouldn't be here without them), I'm not so sure I'm for the importation of their sh*tty technology. Like I said, I loved riding the No. 7 streetcar in Moscow, but that's because it fit the environment. It was rusty, Soviet and, as previously noted, a rickety, old piece of sh*t. (And now I remember why we named it Fudge...)
With near-daily breakdowns, it was truly a piece of schmechnology that belonged in the former USSR. It does not belong in the freaking Capital of the Free World. And most certainly, millions of Federal Reserve notes should not be spent on these things, especially when there's already a bus line and a FREE SHUTTLE that follows, more or less, the same path.
Now, I understand that the businesses of H Street want to attract more dipsters as they try hard to fulfill their unfortunate destiny of becoming the new Adams Morgan, but is all the trouble really worth it?
Probably not. So, yay for Gray's decision?
Perhaps, except for all the proverbial buns. What the f*ck is the city going to do with all the tracks already laid down? What is the city going to do about the impossible-to-navigate streets that are torn up beyond normal use?? And, most intriguingly, what is the city going to do with millions of dollars worth of Fudge you can't eat???
And so the District's reputation of epic
OH, BUT WAIT! Gray's people put out a press release a little while ago reiterating his commitment to the streetcar project. " strongly support streetcar development, and remain committed to seeing it become a reality here in the District of Columbia," said Gray. "But we owe it to ourselves to have a well thought out planning process." Um, too late. I challenge Gray to ride a bike down H Street.
And then? Jim Graham tweeted: "After careful deliberations and explanations and conversations, another $47 million was found to fund the streetcars. Ain't politics grand?"
That's it. Forget about my dream to become a shadow senator. I want to be on the Council. How do you "find" $47 million?! Jesus...