My friends (and not just the ones in my mind!) and I have had some strange cab rides here in DC. Some are funny, others are awkward and some are just downright terrifying. Which brings me to today's riddle: What do you get when you combine one TMI-prone cabbie, a lot of homophobia and a dash of Tourette's? Well, this:Me: Hi, I'm going to H and 14th Northeast, please.
TMI-Cabbie: Northeast?
Me: Northeast.
TMIC: Hmm. *hiccup*
.......................................*hiccup*
......................................................*hiccup*
TMIC: So sorry. I have hiccups. I just ate some spicy foods. I must learn I cannot eat such foods! [Note: Please keep in mind he was a 50-year-old Arab.]
Me: I suppose so...
TMIC: Well, it's also because I have an enlarged prostate.
Me: Uh...
TMIC: *hiccup*
...........................*hiccup*
........................................*hiccup*
TMIC: So, why you go to ghetto?
Me: Well, it's not the ghetto, really, anymore. There's a bunch of bars and restaurants out there now. I'm surprised you're not getting more people asking to bring them out there (especially in light of H Street Death Watch)...
TMIC: Oh, people don't like to take taxi now. Damn Fenty and damn meters! *hiccup*
Me: I like the meters.
TMIC: *hiccup* You know he is a gay.
Me: Who, Fenty?
TMIC: Oh yes! He calls the company and asks for taxi to gay bar! *hiccup*
Me: Did he call you?
TMIC: Me?! *hiccup* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA! *hiccup* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! HAHAHAHAHA! OH NOOOOOO! HEHE! *hiccup* THEY SHOULD NOT DO THAT! HEHEHE! THE THINGS THEY DO! OH NOOO NO NO NO NO NO!!! *hiccup*
Me: Oh my.
TMIC: HEHEHEHEHEHEHE! SHIT-ASS! *hiccup* SHIT-ASS! SHIT-ASS! SHIT-ASS! *hiccup*
Me: Um, this is my stop.
TMIC: *hiccup* SHIT-ASS! SHIT-ASS! SHIT-ASS! HEHEHEHEHEHE! *hiccup*
Me: Yes, please let me out here...or anywhere. Please.
TMIC: SHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! *hiccup*
.............*hiccup*
............................*hiccup*
TMIC: That'll be $13.
5 comments:
Once, I got in a DC cab with my parents and discovered the cabbie was an anti-American, pro-Tehran whackjob.
(I wasn't even promoting my own views -- I was praising Hillary Rodham Clinton. (I'm resolutely bipartisan with people I don't know.))
Cabbies are weird.
ben,
I don't know why you deleted your original comment. It was good. I think it you're right and it definitely *is* a false assumption to assume that everyone who goes to a gay bar is gay. I know plenty of straight dudes (actually the straightest dudes I know) who go to gay bars from time to time with their gay friends just to hang out and have fun. Actually, I think straight dudes who are willing to go to gay clubs can do so because they're confident and comfortable in their own sexuality. I think it is dudes like this cabbie (or a lot of other douches I know, who are also extremely homophobic), who are so uncomfortable and "disapproving" of gays because they are simply insecure with themselves. It's sad, really.
Well, it was kinda long. Leaving comments longer than posts themselves is bad form. So I shortened it & removed the digression about gay bars.
But yes, I am comfortable enough going to gay bars when I'm with or meeting friends, whether they be straight or gay. I can shake hands with and have a pint with 'most anyone, provided that they're pleasant company. And if someone with faulty gaydar makes a pass at me, I'm fine with shooting it down.
Fenty was probably meeting up with some friends or supporters. Mind you, if he's gay, whatever, I couldn't care less. (My votes go on ideology, not orientation. Someone who can get elected mayor of DC is probably the political anti-Christ to me.)
Straight dudes who are willing to go to a gay bar if someone invites them there, without making a big issue of it = confident in their own sexuality
Straight dudes who look for reasons to go to gay bars and end up going more than once in a blue moon = "str8," aka the kind of guy who will marry, have kids, and then get caught midlife pulling a Larry Craig.
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