Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Shambles P.I.: The Dirty Bomb Edition

Riding the DC Metro can be a scary experience. In fact, the moments are few and far between when the Metro isn't crashing into things, derailing, or otherwise just being a dick (seriously, I hate when the Metro acts like a dick). And even if your life isn't in danger, most likely, your line of vision will be. In other words, brace yourself, shambles ahead.

Case in point, meet this guy, or as I like to call him, "The Dirty Bomb."

Taken by a dear friend who likes to set sh*t on fire (in a good way because there's usually a delicious libation to imbibe after the flames die down), The Dirty Bomb was spotted yesterday on the Orange line. Indeed, it should come as no surprise that anyone with a racing stripe on his chin must come from somewhere other than where I live. Or at least I'd like to hold onto that belief. I will rue the day when it becomes acceptable for people who live in my neighborhood to sport landing strips on their faces.

And speaking of faces, you know what doesn't belong anywhere near mine? Your f*cking crotch. Sit down like a normal human being and place your goddamn feet on the floor. You look like a comatose Chippendales dancer with a Lil' Kevin arm.

But really. Why would you ever sit like that on the 'tro? Not only is it just kinda gross, but it's annoying for the other passengers who, I don't know, MIGHT BE TRYING TO GET ON OR OFF THE RAPID TRANSIT SYSTEM VIA THE PASSAGE YOUR F*CKING LEG IS BLOCKING!!! Shambles. But seriously, someone needs to call in the Bomb Squad. This suspicious, um, "package" (zing!) needs to be removed from the premises immediately...

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