Friday, May 28, 2010

"chesapeake gay!"

It will probably come as no surprise to you that I don't get invited to many weddings. But, before you jump to what may seem like an obvious conclusion as to why (I'm the asshole who shows up without a gift then drinks my way through the entire open bar before streaking to the quad or whatever), I assure you it's simply because not many of my friends have gotten married. Yup, all two are still single. And for once I'm not just talking about the me and myself that go with my I. Nope, I have some real friends, too. Goshdarnit, people like me. Right? Right?!

Right! And I can prove it to you! Via one of these people who like me, I was invited to a wedding last weekend at the Chesapeake Bay Beach Resort, although I'm pretty sure that by "resort," this place actually meant "absolute sh*t show." For starters, I had to send a meal back to the kitchen -- AND IT WAS A SANDWICH. How do you f*ck up a sandwich? Not to mention, there was that other time when the waitress proceeded to spill a melted plate of oyster ice on my dinner companion before spilling the rest of it on me five minutes later. Oh! And let's not forget when I tried to order a Dark'n'Stormy from the 16-year-old bartender, he had to ask me what it was before telling me, "No, we don't have that." WHAT?! That's an effing beach staple! Then, that same 16-year-old bartender also had to ask several waitresses if they served any cocktails at all. (They served one.) And speaking of cocktails, later that night we overheard a rather "interesting" 40-something lady WITH A MULLET telling the bartender that she was only there because she "got kicked out of the bar down the street." Yes, the bar at the resort was the town's back-up bar. Then there was the gospel choir on the beach, the "Dairy Queeze," and the epic bingo f*ck-up, in which the staff failed the "being able to tell time" test by informing us bingo started at 11 p.m., when, in actuality, that's when it ended. And yes, bingo was all there was to do there.

Luckily, however, the wedding was really nice. The couple looked great, the wine was flowing, the food was delicious, and the company was fabulous. So fabulous, actually, that I've found myself e-stalking one of them for the past week. However, when you see this vlog he made last weekend, I'm sure you'll understand why:

Who doesn't like hot guys, well dressed, to fetch things for them? And, ew! There's formaldehyde in clothes?! The things this man has taught me... Anyway, congratulations, MikeysGayToday! Along with Coppercab, you've made my official list of sh*t I approve on YouTube!

And damn. I can't mention Coppercab and not post his latest masterpiece. He's just so hilariously angry! Give this man a sitcom!



Boomhauer said...

I can't mention Coppercab and not post his latest masterpiece. He's just so hilariously angry!

When the revolution comes, the Gingers will be the first ones against the wall.

Marissa said...

That M.I.A. video is pretty gruesome (for those who have know idea what I'm talking about, you can watch it here:, but I'm pretty sure it's not a tribute to random acts of hate. Since I'm educated, I'm guessing it's a metaphor for the absurdity of hate. I love redheads! Especially Mr. Coppercab. I'm thinking the kid must be acting because he doesn't seem stupid. But wow, what an act!

jheisel said...

in case you haven't been following MIA....check this avclub blog post for a link to an insanely long NYTimes article...,41609/

Ben (The Tiger in Exile) said...

Me, I always thought M.I.A. was evil because she seemed sympathetic to the Tamil Tigers. (Funded mostly from the Greater Toronto Area. Thank us, Sri Lanka!) Maybe "terrorist chic" is more accurate -- she's used imagery of the Tigers, there's that video, and the whole "like PLO I don't surrendo" thing. I mean, if _my_ dad had trained in explosives use with the P.L.O., I might be a little more circumspect about that stuff.

Comment by one of her critics:
"If my father was part of the Klu Klux Klan, and I wanted nothing to do with it, would I put guys dressed up in white sheets in my videos?"

(Didn't help my view of her that I was introduced to her stuff by a college friend who's always denied that the Sikhs in BC were involved in the Air India bombing.)

But maybe I've been too uncharitable -- maybe it's a post-modern thing, not a terror chic thing.

Marissa said...


Yeah. Saw that article. She sounds like someone who the common person would want to punch in her face after five minutes. She does make a kick-ass track though...


No, I think she's just suffering from arrested development. Still stuck in the mind of that rebellious 18-year-old...