Wednesday, March 12, 2008

yes, cops, please search and seize my property!

I'm no genius. If I was, I'd have figured out a way to make money off of the ridiculous amount of time I devote to this blog. Or, I'd remember to put my frozen goods into the freezer when I return from the grocery store instead of letting them sit overnight on the counter. I also wouldn't have splattered candle wax all over my wall just now (don't ask). Basically, I'm an idiot.

But despite my apparent need for adult supervision at the age of 28, I still manage to be smarter (and more ethical) than DC's city government. Take, for instance, this ingenious new anti-gun'n'drug plan, which seems to have been pulled directly out of the butts of Mayor Adrian Fenty and Police Chief Cathy Lanier. It's just that fresh.

Anyway, in this threefold plan, first police will go door-to-door asking to search people's homes. If someone actually agrees and the cops find guns'n'drugs, the police will take 'em. Lastly, once the police steal any found guns'n'drugs, the owners of said criminal items won't be arrested.

"If we come across illegal contraband, we will confiscate it," Lanier told the Washington Post. "But amnesty means amnesty. We're trying to get guns and drugs off the street."

Now, I'm not exactly sure how people who keep illegal guns'n'drugs feel about having the 5-o ransack their houses voluntarily, but allow me to postulate a scenario:
*knock-knock*

"Who's there?"

"The cops."

"The cops, who?"

"The cops who are here to look through your sh*t and take it."

"LOL! Good one!"
Seriously, what armed drug dealer in his or her right mind would actually invite the cops in as if it were some kind of f*cking tea party? I get that "amnesty" is supposed to be the bargaining chip in this situation, but it seems highly unlikely that on a random whim, keepers of illegal guns'n'drugs would interrupt their Days of Our Lives viewing schedules (because I'm sure they all care that Rolf is back) to give up their most prized and addictive criminal possessions. I mean, if those "no questions asked" guns-for-money programs don't seem to work, what makes the DC city government think this retardulous guns-for-nothing program will work? Just sayin'...

Meanwhile, I think my oven's been on for two days.

13 comments:

The Vinyl District said...

OK - so I'm gunning for it - when will you be DJ-ing the Friday Shots?

The Vinyl District said...

Something akin to:

http://vinyldistrict.blogspot.com/2008/02/tvds-weekend-shots_92.html

...albeit in the AntiDC voice.

I-66 said...

Fuck Adrian Fenty.

That is all.

Peter said...

You'd be surprised at how many people don't understand that when a cop says "hey can I come in and look around?" they can say "No, fuck off."

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

Wow what a stupid idea. Glad I never worked for that department.

I would think they would have to some special type of warrant to do that..............

Guess the 2nd Amendment went out the door on this one............

Great Post - loved the knock knock joke.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

Peter is correct, you have to have a warrant and within that you have to some probable cause to get that warrant.

I don't advise saying "fuck off" though lol

Shannon said...

But won't get guns and drugs off the streets! It'll get guns n' drugs out of their proper location, the nightstand drawer.

At least, that's where I keep my crack pipe and revolver. (It's usually a bad day when I confuse the two.)

Marissa said...

tvd--

Firstly, nice pun. Secondly, let's talk. I love forcing my tastes on others!

i-66--

But Fenty is so damn fine.

peter--

It's as if we're all used to getting harassed by post-Soviet cops carrying automatics. Oh wait...

cap hill--

Actually, if you *voluntarily* let the cops in, do they still need a warrant?

shannon--

And here I thought my nightstand was bad-ass with a lamp lit via incandescent light opposed to the more economically and environmentally friendly fluorescent.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

nope, but there are some confusing guidelines on where and what they can search -- like going up in the attic and a/c vents.............

just like when you get pulled over and they say "Do you mind if I search your vehicle?" They can only search in whats plain view and they can ask you if its ok to open the glove box, if you refuse they can then ask for that wonderful warrant to look in there.
Kind of like if you get a warrant to specifically ask for lets say for example "one black glove" (insert OJ joke here) and bascially thats all you can look for, now if you other crap like drugs etc......thats where it gets hairy...................

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

also, I have DC criminal code book at home and I will check the search guidelines tonight for you........... :-)

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

here is the US Code in relation............Im sure DC will fall into the same guidelines

http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode18a/usc_sec_18a_03000041----000-.html

Shannon said...

Marissa - Think my nightstand is badass? You should see my sock drawer.

Tiago said...

Politics used to be ridiculous everywhere I see. Last weekend I was looking in internet real estate agent reviews and I started to browse internet and I arrived to a page with some unbelievable laws. It seems that in UK is still legal to kill a Scottish in the square of York if he is armed with a bow!! LOL