Are you a fan of the Mystic tan? Are you a blond that still favors the "Rachel from Friends" haircut? Are you a giant female douchebag, a douchebaguette,* if you will? If you answered, "yah," "like, totally" and "you know it, bitches!" to any or all of those questions then you, my douchey e-friend, could end up on teh teevee like these fine ladiezzz! Holla!
"I think I just impregnated myself!"
These classy might-as-well-be-bebe-clad females (seriously, is that a lavender fur bolero vest on the right?) are Katherine Kennedy, Krista Johnson and Sophie Pyle (possibly pictured above in that order, possibly not, but does it honestly really matter?), the three Georgetown "DC socialites," who have signed on to do a Hills-esque reality show here in the Capital of the Free World. (Apparently, we're letting the terrorists win now...)
To give you a bit more perspective about the shambles that will compose this yet-to-be-named show (although, may I suggest calling it "So You Think You Can Douche?" -- wait, on second thought, scratch that), these three girls apparently have dubbed themselves the (and I am not joking) "Blond Charity Mafia." And, not surprisingly, they were found via DC's one and only "members only" social network for douchebags, Late Night Shots, where hungover assholes discuss who got whom pregnant and where they can "take care of it" (again, I am not joking).
Now, whether or not the majority of this show will take place in offshore abortion clinics, I have my doubts, but one thing is for sure -- this show is guaranteed to be even more irritating than the actual version of The Hills. At least The Hills has Justin Bobby! What the hell does DC have? Oh yeah. This guy:
Lil' Lord Doucheington has nothing on the Grand Duke of Doucheville, pictured above courtesy of Project Beltway.
Honestly, I have no idea how they're going to keep this show interesting. I mean, you can only film bitches barfing outside of Smith's Point so many times before that sh*t gets old. And word on the proverbial
Now, before you get jealous that you're not on the show (because I know you're all dying to be portrayed as vapid, spoiled attention whores), let me give you a reason to live: They're apparently still casting two or three more douchebaguettes! Tip top!
Unfortunately, save for impregnating yourself in Georgetown and writing about it the next day on LNS, I'm not sure what the best route is for you to get on the show. I know it seems to help, though, if you have really rich parents, are from the South and are completely delusional. What do I mean by delusional? I mean this:
"It's all going to be about our real lives," said Johnson, who is a partner at the Georgetown boutique We One You Two. "It's going to be in the same vein of MTV's The Hills but ours is going to be more realistic."More realistic? Really?! So there will be scenes filmed at offshore abortion clinics! (SCORE! Another abortion joke in this post and it's not even noon! Shouldn't I get a medal or something?)
But alas, as much as I love mocking this uniquely DC type of douchebag(uette), I must admit I really am a bit jealous, as I know for a fact that a reality show based on my life would not only entertain the nation, but I'm pretty sure it would save our economy, end the war in Iraq and allow for the second coming of Jesus. However, it will not save me from getting capped (handgun ban officially lifted today!) by some douche in madras if I dare show my face in Georgetown ever again after implying that everyone there is a badly dressed whore. Whoops! Well, at least I'm right about one thing. (I'll let you guess.) Hey, if you can't laugh at rich people, you can't laugh at anything.
Anyway, here's to not getting [late night] shot! And yes, production company, if you want to cast me as the much-need reality show arch-nemesis, I will do it! Clearly, I too am an attention whore, who is extremely easy to typecast. Come on, the cynical, antisocial, blogger, who thinks she's smarter than everyone else, often to her own detriment? It's so easy... E-mail me! ♥
*A special thanks to BAD for coming up with "douchebaguette." You are truly a brilliant man.