shambles p.i. -- endearing geriatric edition

You know when a hamster poops and he has to remove it with his teeth? It's totally sick and gross, isn't it? Yes. However, at the same time, it's a hamster, so on some level it's also still inherently kind of cute, right? Right. Well, that's how I feel about this old couple, snapped by a very sly reader near the National Portrait Gallery last summer.

If only they were running in a wheel...

See, their outfits are objectively offensive to anyone who's not colorblind. The matching red capris are kind of like Gorbachev's eyes -- they're blinding like a laser.

Actually, wait. I take that back. Their outfits are offensive to anyone who possesses any sort of sight at all. Basically, capris are never a good idea. They make short people look shorter and tall people look like assholes. And don't even get me started on manpris. If you want fabric below the knee, be ready to commit to a f*cking pair of pants. If you don't, be warned you're going to look sick and gross, not unlike hamster doo-doo.

Luckily for this old couple, however, they're also cute like a couple of hamsters, which makes their very turd-like outfits endearingly sick and gross. I mean, are they snapping their fingers? Dancing in the streets? Wetting their Depends? Perhaps, all of the above? Who knows?! All I know for sure is that they're neither wearing Crocs nor flip-flops, which makes me happy, and they're clearly ready to party. I bet they're drunk. I hope they're drunk. I wish I was drunk. Am I drunk? It is the mid-afternoon...