Wednesday, July 16, 2008

shambles p.i. -- endearing geriatric edition

You know when a hamster poops and he has to remove it with his teeth? It's totally sick and gross, isn't it? Yes. However, at the same time, it's a hamster, so on some level it's also still inherently kind of cute, right? Right. Well, that's how I feel about this old couple, snapped by a very sly reader near the National Portrait Gallery last summer.

If only they were running in a wheel...

See, their outfits are objectively offensive to anyone who's not colorblind. The matching red capris are kind of like Gorbachev's eyes -- they're blinding like a laser.

Actually, wait. I take that back. Their outfits are offensive to anyone who possesses any sort of sight at all. Basically, capris are never a good idea. They make short people look shorter and tall people look like assholes. And don't even get me started on manpris. If you want fabric below the knee, be ready to commit to a f*cking pair of pants. If you don't, be warned you're going to look sick and gross, not unlike hamster doo-doo.

Luckily for this old couple, however, they're also cute like a couple of hamsters, which makes their very turd-like outfits endearingly sick and gross. I mean, are they snapping their fingers? Dancing in the streets? Wetting their Depends? Perhaps, all of the above? Who knows?! All I know for sure is that they're neither wearing Crocs nor flip-flops, which makes me happy, and they're clearly ready to party. I bet they're drunk. I hope they're drunk. I wish I was drunk. Am I drunk? It is the mid-afternoon...

11 comments:

I-66 said...

Would those yellow shoes match your pants?

Marissa said...

i-66--

The day I literally "match" my shoes to my pants is the day I stop wearing pants.

Proustian said...

It also kind of looks like they are snapping at the same time in a kind of West Side Story-like fashion... so I'm down.

Adam said...

Wait, why aren't you wearing any pants?


They look very European.

Stevious said...

It still makes me giggle when I read/hear the word 'pants' even though I know it means 'trousers' in America and not 'underpants'.

The phrase 'fanny pack' pretty much causes me to rupture myself.

I'm allowed to vote, you know.

Marissa said...

proust--

Totally agree! I would love to know they were busking by singing musicals.

adam--

Well, I am wearing pants actually. My shoes are not the same color. If they were, I'd be forced to take one of the other off and clearly, I'd de-pants myself. I have issues.

And yes, I also think they're probably European. Maybe Spanish?

stevious--

Really? 'Pants' means 'underpants' in the UK? That's AWESOME. I will think that from now on and laugh hysterically whenever I hear it now too. Also, I think the word fannypack makes everyone laugh. But what do you call a fannypack over there then?

BAD said...

mar, fanny is British for vagine.

Gilahi said...

Actually, I always thought Laura Petrie was pretty dang hot in her capris.

I-66 said...

I like the UK utilization of "pants" as an adjective. I most often hear of it referring to a player or team (so-and-so was pants, or so-and-sos are pants), but I try to apply it in other ways.

When it comes to blogging, Goose is pants.

I-66 said...

(I should add, "pants" is not something you want to be)

Stevious said...

Fanny is a rather un-polite word for the feminine genitalia. Also known as the 'minge', fact fans.

Also, we call fannypacks bum-bags in the UK, and I think you either need a permit or a foreign passport to be allowed to wear one.