Tuesday, June 1, 2010

space, freedom and a Ray-J off

Sorry I'm posting so late today. I had something ready to go about theoretical physics, but then Al and Tipper announced their separation and the single tears began to flow so hard from my and my bevy of helper animals' eyes that our technology melted down. No, really. We were using a computer made entirely out of cotton candy.

But just because no one will ever know how I solved the unsolvable problem of chronology projection conjecture, doesn't mean we can't still at least scratch the time-warped surface of multi-dimensional space. In short, I love NASA. It is probably the only federally funded organization that I can get behind without feeling the urge to stick a Post-it note on it that says "KICK ME."

In fact, just thinking about the accomplishments of the American space program makes me fall in love with freedom all over again. *sigh* And so it was a no-brainer (the only kind of decision I'm capable of making) to go see Hubble 3D at the IMAX at the Air & Space Museum this weekend, despite the fact that it's narrated by Leonardo "I peaked playing Arnie Grape" DiCaprio...

First of all, I learned that all astonauts have sweet nicknames. There's Scott "Scooter" Altman, Gregory "Ray-J" Johnson, Michael "Bueno" Good, Michael "Mass" Massimino, Andrew "Drew" Feustal...wait, that's not that cool...John Grunsfeld...uh...and Katherine McArthur. OK, so some astronauts have sweet nicknames. For the record, if I ever take to space, I will go by the call name of "Frijole."

Secondly, it's about this:



But shown on a screen that's six stories high and in 3D!

Oh man. I'm lucky it's really hot today because all I'm cloaked in is a tattered Old Glory. Seriously, just thinking about Hubble 3D is more than enough to make me forget about Al and Tipper. Then again, so does thinking about a McDonald's cheeseburger. Yes, unless it has to do with former Minnesota senator Norm Coleman and his beautiful DaVinci veneers, I officially don't care about the downfall of political marriages.

Going back to nicknames, I think the biggest news in this post was learning that a VH1 reality "star" and an astronaut have the same one.


Which means it's time for a Ray-J off, where our Ray-Js will compete in three categories to see who is the superior Ray-J.

Category 1 -- Facial Expression

I think we gotta give a point to Astronaut Ray-J and those Coleman-esque choppers. *purrrrr* VH1 Ray-J just looks like he doesn't like the way I'm looking at him. Point to Astronaut Ray-J.

Category 2 -- Accessories

This is a tough one. On our left, we see astronaut Ray-J decked out like an intergalactic boyscout. However, on the right, VH1 Ray-J is sporting at least threes sets of lady hands. Hmm. Lady hands are pretty unique. Point to VH1 Ray-J.

Category 3 -- Background

Finally, we reach the tie-breaker round, and sadly for reality TV stars everywhere, it doesn't look good for VH1 Ray-J. While the several sets of lady hands made him the big winner in the accessories round, the actual ladies do little to get him ahead of his competition now, especially when that competition is perched in front of my outfit du jour. Freedom always wins. Point to Astronaut Ray-J.

And with a score of 2-1, it's safe to call Astronaut Ray-J the winner of this Ray-J off. My work here is done.

74 comments:

Sara said...

The Tipper/Al Gore thing even made the news here. It was kind of pathetic honestly. I don't get why people are surprised. No one in politics or Hollywood really loves their partner. They are just with someone because it looks good, like your friend Ray J and his lady hands.

Jess said...

First of all, thank you for using the word "secondly" instead of "second"---a major grammatical pitfall avoided.

Secondly, spacemen kick a**!

Ben (The Tiger in Exile) said...

The Tipper/Al breakup made me sad.

I love making fun of him in other areas, but not this.

Re the space program, I'm not sure whom to cheer for in the latest fight. Armstrong or Aldrin?

Marissa said...

sara--

Yeah. I don't have faith in most politicians ideas, let alone their sham marriages. (Of course, there are exceptions, I'm sure.) Is it the same with politicians in Chile?

jess--

Grammar is one of my best friends. I confide in grammar daily. I want to travel to space with grammar!

ben--

I don't think I'm mocking as much as I really, really don't care. I think private matters should always be kept private. And quite honestly, I think keeping up this assumption that politicians are somehow better at what they do because they're married is ridiculous. I want to see a single president in the White House some day.

Ben (The Tiger in Exile) said...

Oh, I wasn't accusing you of making fun of it.

Just saw a few others. (And the other very inappropriate half of my brain started suggesting jokes to the proper half.)

Personally, I look forward to seeing a president who keeps a harem.

Marissa said...

ben--

Maybe one day you can run! Oh wait. SUCKS TO BE CANADIAN!

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