Wednesday, November 5, 2008


I apologize for being e-negligent yesterday, but I was busy voting, recovering from what seemed to be either early stage SARS or H5N1 and, of course, falling asleep really, really early, until, in a surprising move, people took to the streets third-world style screaming, honking and wooting the victory of Barack Obama. Seriously, while I love the enthusiasm shown in a country that so often errs on the side of apathy, were the airhorns really necessary?


Heralding in the end of eight years of whatever the hell we just let happen, as well as an entirely awesome moment in history, is worthy of not just airhorns, but pyrotechnics, too, which I'm pleased to note, my neighbors apparently had on hand!

And although they're all chanting "O-bam-a!" in the very grainy, mostly unfocused video I shot all hopped up on Nyquil last night, I'm going to go ahead and make a safe assumption and allow myself to think they're also celebrating Damien Lincoln Ober's win as one of DC's two shadow senators. If you have facts to say otherwise, I will not believe them.


Ah, but in the midst of all this lovely, extremely refreshing chaos, my longish stint atop an exceedingly comfortable memory foam mattress pad, wrapped in a faux-down comforter has allowed me to scout out some sweet stuff on the Interweb -- stuff that has nothing to do with the election, which is finally OVER!


Anyway, I'll tell you that my sweet finds include something very dear to my heart circuitry and wires -- an extremely long Russian-made miniseries of what will probably go down in the history of ever as the greatest book written by a human, Mikhail Bulgakov's Master and Margarita (Мастер и Маргарита). And, perhaps, it's even no coincidence that I found this 10-part series just as I began to work through this book again in its native language. Contrasting and comparing has never been so much fun! Drat, I am a dork...

But enough self-deprecating confessions (as if you didn't know...) aided by my recent intake of CVS-brand pseudoephedrine! Let's take a look at this week's roster of tight sh*t on the Webrary! And because I love counting in different languages (must I repeat how much of a dork I really am?), let's sound off en français! Ooh la la!

Un! Like I mentioned, Master and Margarita is objectively the best book of all time, ergo any 5-plus-hour miniseries made based on it, is not only worth my time, but hopefully worth yours, Norm Coleman's, who may of may not be the former hottest man in the legislative branch (single sexy tear), and anyone else's who appreciates fantastic tales of awesomeness. And yes, it's subtitled!

Deux! OK, I lied about all these links having nothing to do with the election, but I can't quietly sit back without noting that, of course, the District gets the sh*ttiest sticker to show off we voted. Tell me, where is the essence of freedom in our sticker?! Maryland and Virginia all get hints of Old Glory. We get an X in a box. Shouldn't it be a line connecting a bar and an arrow? If we're going to brag about how much we hate technology and love No. 2 pencils, we might as well make it accurate, n'est-ce pas? Argh.

Trois! I sometimes wear glasses that look a little bit like Andrew Sullivan's. We also both blog. In fact, not only do Andrew Sullivan and I both blog, but we also both make sure that whatever point we intend to make, we make with gusto, if by "gusto" I mean we put into 2,000 words what could've been stated in 300. It's like we're the same person, except in place of real words like Sullivan uses, I use made-up works like "retardulous." Tight-tastic! But even if you don't sport spectacles and e-spew all over the Web each day, Sullivan's justification of why he blogs is still worth the (very un-blog-like) read.

Quatre! Boozey "beverage" Zima might have died late last month, but several other "malternatives" live on, including my personal favorite, Sparks (this dork is open for sponsorships!), which is probably more lethal to me because of its caffeine content rather than it's alcohol proof. What I'll never understand, though, is how Sparks ranked last on this tasting panel's list. Am I the only one who finds libations that taste like Smarties shat out of a unicorn's ass delicious? Bullsh*t!

Cinq! And if nothin' else about the last 24 hours has inspired you (although, whatever your political persuasion, how could it not?!), at least enjoy the genius upon which I based my Halloween costume this year. Except it didn't involve any scary cats or any of the other creepy sh*t in that clip. Let me tell you, though, those dance steps are no joke! I tried... And since we're on the topic of music icons, what the hell ever happened to Wang Chung?! Stuff like this makes me want to pull a modern-day Marty McFly and go be a teenager in the 1980s.

And thanks to Alistairh for unknowingly allowing me to grab his "snot" art and post it as if it were my own over me, I have enough Kleenex for it...


I-66 said...

Did you know that my mattress is made entirely of Tempurpedic foam?

My favorite quote: "It looks like urine. It really looks like urine" And you still drink it.

Beach Bum said...

For all your hatred of DC, you have to give props that douchebags or not, it was the only place where Obama got 93% (!!!!) of the votes.

Marissa said...


Did you know that I'm jealous of your mattress?

Sure, Sparks may look like urine (uh, from a very unhealthy person, I might add), but it tastes like (and you're making me repeat it) Smarties excreted from a unicorn's butt, which means it's just extra sweet. Magically delicious!

beach bum--

That figure is really no surprise. I'll admit that while I'm elated America didn't condone the actions of the very wayward Republican party, and thus staved off a large degree of international embarrassment, I will admit, in fact, that I fell into that 7 percent. I won't reveal for whom I voted, but I'll tell you that I had to write 'em in. (I have a principled stance against the largely corrupt two-party system.) I admit, though, had I been in a swing state, I would've become an Obamatarian. Oh shoot! I just gave it all away...!

Skywalker said...

DC did pull through and 14th Street was off the chain last night. Per chance - were you in that omnimous group of folks outside the White House; this not only scarred the sh*t out of the Secret Service but they turned the lights off.

Either way. Get well and more posts - I can take snot induced rants about life. Just don't included bodily fluids.

Marissa said...


Thanks, I am actually out and about town today spreading my germs. Nice. But no, I wasn't in front of the White House. I only saw the relatively wild ruckus that was on my overwhelming residential section of street. It was surreal for sure.