elitist washingtonians celebrate 100 years of their own elitism

There are very few things Congress can't do. They can fall asleep on the job; they can set up creepy Second Life accounts, they can solicit prostitutes; they can proposition men in airport bathrooms; and, perhaps most glorious of all, Congress can pass laws and resolutions that help and honor...the people soldiers children itself.

However, while the usual modus operandi of the men and women of Congress is to bestow great sums of wealth on themselves to reward all of their abovementioned hard work in which they engage each and every day 103 days per year, today Congress chose a simpler route by simply giving a nod to 100 years of Congressional lameness and elitism in the form of the only club ever to be officially created by Congress, the Congressional Club! What's that, you ask? Well, let's take a look at House Resolution 1026 and find out! Retardulous history lesson, ahoy!

Whereas the Congressional Club was organized in 1908 by 25 women who were influential in Washington's official life and who wanted to establish a nonsectarian and nonpolitical group that would promote friendship and cordiality in public life, and founded the Club to bring the wives of Members of Congress together in a hospitable and compatible environment in the Nation's Capital;

Whereas the Congressional Club's founding was secured by womanly wiles and feminine determination [Ed: I swear I did not doctor this language.] in the passage of the enacting resolution unanimously on May 28, 1908, in order to overcome the opposition of Representative John Sharp Williams of Mississippi, who opposed all women's organizations;

Whereas when Representative Williams was called out of the chamber by Mrs. Williams, the good-mannered representative obliged and withdrew his opposition and request for a recorded vote, saying, 'upon this particular bill there will not be a roll call, because it would cause a great deal of domestic unhappiness in Washington if there were' [Ed: Again, I'm not making this up.];

But what would any club of "womanly wiles" be without that thing that women do best. Tee-hee! Not birthing, sillies, but cooking!

Whereas the Congressional Clubhouse was built by George Totten in the Beaux Arts style and is listed on the National Register of Historic Places, and its mortgage was paid for by the sales of the Club's cookbook and burned by Mrs. Bess Truman in a silver bowl on the 40th Anniversary of the Club's founding;

Whereas the Congressional Club is solely supported by membership dues and the sale of cookbooks, and has never received any Federal funding;

Whereas the 14 editions of the Congressional Club cookbook, first published in 1928, reflect the life and times of the United States with recipes and signatures of Members of Congress, First Ladies, Ambassadors, and members of the Club;

Is it just me, or does that sound like a goddamn magical cookbook? Maybe the whole dang government should start selling cookbooks! Saudi Arabia needs to eat too! I mean, stockpiling billions of dollars worth of weapons can really work up an appetite. Trust me. But before we get bogged down in grand schemes to get to the Saudis hearts through their stomachs, let's take a look at the real piece de resistance of this century-old Congressional Club -- The International Doll Room! Yay!

Yeah...um...this is totally...um...what's the phrase I'm looking for???

F*CKING CREEPY!

For reals? Congress creates one club ever and a room full of dolls is the best it could do? That's just plain embarrassing. And to think some of us are still confused as to why everyone hates us. And here it all seems so clear to me...